Playing the Field: Red Sox cut food and beer prices, wrestler tears his anus

You often had to take out a second mortgage if you wanted to spend the day at Fenway.
You often had to take out a second mortgage if you wanted to spend the day at Fenway.

It’s official: The Red Sox have completed their transformation from the gold standard in the cutthroat sports business to gold standard in bush-league promotional machines.

Perhaps it’s a last-ditch effort to save the fraudulent sell-out streak at Fenway Park or, perhaps, it’s actually (maybe? possibly?) a show of goodwill to a fan base it has bankrupted both literally and figuratively over the past decade. Yup, for the better, the Red Sox are going all San Diego Padres on us. They are slashing food and, most importantly, beer prices at Fenway Park.

That $5 Fenway Frank? Consider it $2.50 because they’re now buy one, get one free. Have a kid who lives on nothing but corn syrup and processed meats? Fenway is the place for you and your boy because he’ll eat free if he’s under 14 (just good luck fitting mini Mo Vaughn into one of those hard red plastic seats).

And beer? You no longer have to hang out at Copperfield’s until the fifth inning. You can now get loaded IN THE STADIUM because those watered-down Coors Lights in plastic cups are going to cost just $5 instead of $8.50. Maybe even splurge and get a Noble Pils. Go crazy folks, go crazy!

It’s plain to see that the Red Sox best move of the past year was not bringing in nice-guy Mickeys and Goofys named Victorino and Dempster in order to change the clubhouse atmosphere at the amusement park on Yawkey Way. It wasn’t dumping all that salary and headache last August in the Beckett-Gonzalez-Crawford trade. Nope, their smartest move in quite a while came when they decided to win back the hearts of their fan base with cheap food and booze. That type of strategy is more American than baseball itself.

Grappling with life

Without question, X-Pac’s Bronco Buster was the most crowd-pleasing wrestling move this side of Goldust’s Shattered Dreams production. But as we all know, you can’t keep pulling off the Bronco Buster for two decades and expect to have your anus come away unscathed.

X-Pac, aka Sean Waltman, who is apparently still wrestling in armories and bingo halls across this great land, tore his anus over the weekend while attempting the move on his opponent. His girlfriend tweeted after the injury, “We don’t know if there is a medical term for it…but he did a bronco buster last night that literally ripped his ass apart! :-/ Lost a lot of blood! Had surgery this morning and is on the road to recovery! Believe it or not..this has happened to him once before! #wrestling #seanwaltman #xpac @therealxpac #getwellsoonxpac.”

Awww, man. What I would have done for a nice anus hashtag.

Hopefully Vince McMahon will show some sympathy for his former star and throw X-Pac and his anus into some throwaway three-man tag at WrestleMania coming up in a couple of weeks. One can dream.

In the meantime, let’s refresh everyone’s memory on X-Pac’s personal life. He dated Chyna, who once dated his best friend Triple-H (who is now married to McMahon’s daughter, Stephanie). While dating Chyna, the two made a sex tape together. X-Pac now bad-mouths Chyna like nobody’s business, and Chyna is involved in full-fledged porn. Who says the wrestling business is sleazy?

Matt Burke is sports editor and a columnist at Metro Boston. Follow him on Twitter @BurkeMetroBOS


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Florida man charged with murdering son to play…

A Florida man annoyed that his 16-month-old crying son was preventing him from playing video games suffocated the toddler, police said on Friday.

International

Powerful 7.2 magnitude earthquake rattles Mexico

A powerful earthquake struck Mexico Friday, shaking buildings and sending people running into the street, although there were no reports of major damage.

News

OMG! Exercise can make skin (and butt) look…

A moderate exercise regime can turn back time and actually reverse the skin's aging process, according to new research. The study showed that a minimum…

International

Jews in eastern Ukraine ordered to register, Kerry…

Secretary of State John Kerry condemned reports that Jews in eastern Ukraine had been ordered to register with the authorities "or suffer the consequences."

Entertainment

Whoopi Goldberg makes her debut as marijuana columnist

"It helps my head stop hurting, and with glaucoma your eyes ache, and she takes the ache out. It's wonderful," she said.

The Word

Kate Middleton made fun of Prince William's bald…

Kate Middleton and Prince William are in Sydney, Australia, right now, and it sounds like that brash Aussie sense of humor might be rubbing off.

The Word

Is Tom Cruise dating Laura Prepon?

"Mission: Impossible" star Cruise is said to be dating Laura Prepon, star of "Orange is the New Black."

Television

'Scandal' recap: Season 3, Episode 18, 'The Price…

Sally is Jesus, Olivia caused global warming, and Mellie's still drunk. Let's recap the Scandal finale. A church full of Washington insiders is about to…

NBA

Carmelo Anthony agonizing over Knicks future as season…

There’s still the cloud hanging over the franchise’s head as to the pending free-agent status of All-Star forward Carmelo Anthony.

NFL

Jets host players with eye toward NFL Draft

The Jets hosted a number of NFL Draft hopefuls for workouts on Thursday, with an eye toward some under-the-radar players.

NFL

Chris Johnson: I wanted to go to 'a…

Now that Chris Johnson is a Jet, the team has to figure out if one of the most explosive players in the NFL over the last half decade has anything…

NHL

Rangers' speed versus Flyers' size makes interesting playoff…

Among the myriad aspects that will make this Metropolitan Division semifinal series fascinating will be the battle between the Rangers' speed and the Flyers' size,…

Tech

VIDEO: 'Vein-scanning' may become the future of paying

Designed to make transactions quicker and easier, the technology works by scanning the unique vein patterns in each person's palm.

Tech

#FollowFriday: 10 of the smartest Twitter accounts

Spending lots of time on Twitter? You might as well learn something. Here are some of the smartest accounts to follow.

Style

Light-up nail art syncs with phone

This Japanese technology syncs light-up nail art with your phone.

Wellbeing

Why is dance cardio taking off in NYC?

Instructors at some of the city's hottest classes explain why.