Playing the Field: The NFL’s new rules
Wow, it’s been a busy week for Playing the Field. With all the A-Rod and PED nonsense, coupled with the continued fallout from the Riley Cooper racial incident in Philadelphia and the ongoing saga that is Johnny Manziel.
Can we get back to playing sports? Please!
No, OK. Well, we’re going to keep it light this week.
First item is in regard to an old story. Back in the spring, the NFL adopted a new rule which prohibits running backs from initiating contact with the crown of their helmets. It’s another in a long line of edicts from commissioner dictator Roger Goodell that seeks to enforce player safety.
Vikings safety Harrison Smith, a defensive player that this new rule is intended to protect, wrote the following on Twitter: “soon everyone will get a trophy for participation.”
Here are some other rules we predict Goodell will look at proposing:
1. No more tackling. Really, if you want to enforce safety and stop injuries entirely than just cut to the chase and cut out all that unnecessary contact. A good game of rough touch surely wouldn’t plummet the NFL’s ratings into oblivion … would it?
2. No more kickoffs. Seriously, the commish has actually talked about adopting this one. In reality, kickoffs are the most dangerous part of football, with a gang of padded warriors racing at warp speeds to fling themselves at a lone target. Of course, it also plays a pivotal role in the game’s outcome: field position. Go figure.
3. No more middle ground. Let’s just remove half the playbook, like slants and crossing patterns. Keep the passing game sideline vertical and outlaw any plays that involve going over the middle of the field, since that’s where the most vicious hits occur — and the most collarbones break. Arena football, what!?
Feel free to send your own rule amendments to our attention: email@example.com. And be sure to follow us on Twitter: @mike_greger.
And now the best video you’ll see all week. Twerking with surfing superstar Anastasia Ashley, courtesy of former Metro contributor, The Big Lead.