Examples, list of NBA jersey nicknames expected to be used in 2013-14

This nickname thing on NBA jerseys opens up a pandora's box regarding Chris "Birdman" Andersen. Credit: Getty Images
This nickname thing on NBA jerseys opens up a pandora’s box regarding Chris “Birdman” Andersen. Credit: Getty Images

The NBA is strongly considering putting nicknames of players on the backs of their team jerseys this season, starting with the champion Heat and the new-look Nets.

This is the second time that a major American professional sport has ripped off the XFL, first the NFL with the Skycam and now with the NBA tackling the “He Hate Me” phenomenon. Will it work for the David Stern/Adam Silver regime? Ya, of course it will. It WILL sell more jerseys and it WILL make boatloads of money for the NBA. By 2016, every team will be doing it on random nights and we won’t even notice or care. This is the way sports works these days.

In the Nets/Heat matchup, we’re expecting to see “King James” for LeBron, “D-Wade” for Dwyane Wade, “The Truth” for Paul Pierce and “KG” for Kevin Garnett.

But what about the scrubs on the Heat and Nets? Where do you draw the line? Is the Ray Allen/Jesus Shuttlesworth thing relevant to anyone under the age of 30? I can’t imagine what kind of royalties the NBA will have to pay Spike Lee for the use of “Jesus,” if the NBA goes that route.

Here’s some options for the rest of the Heat and Nets, coming to an NBA Store by you:

 

2013-14 Miami Heat

Christopher Claus Andersen: “Birdman” (obviously). Other options: “Meth Claus” Andersen, “Breaking Bad” Andersen, “Heisenberg” Andersen

Joel Anthony: Joel “I really don’t look like a Joel” Anthony

Shane Battier: Shane “Iron head … no seriously, someone iron my head” Battier


Michael Beasley: Michael “Thank god pot isn’t the drug of choice in Miami” Beasley

Chris Bosh: Chris “Mr. Adrienne Williams” Bosh

Udonis Haslem: Udonis “Na, I’m set. My name is already bad ass” Haslem

Rashard Lewis: Rashard “I was using HGH before HGH was cool” Lewis

Greg Oden: Greg “One final injury away from porn because of my huge ‘arms’” Oden

 

 

2013-14 Brooklyn Nets

Reggie Evans: Reggie “What the hell? I thought I was in that Celtics trade on draft night?” Evans

Joe Johnson: Joe “Please don’t yell at me, KG” Johnson

Andrei Kirilenko: Andrei “My wife gives me a hall pass every year, so I’m better than you” Kirilenko

Shaun Livingston: Shaun “Killer Knees” Livingston

Mason Plumlee: Mason “I should be named Mitchell instead of Mason” Plumlee

Jason Terry: Jason “Please don’t bring up my time in Boston” Terry

Deron Williams: Deron “Coachella Coachkilla” Williams

 

Follow Metro Boston sports editor and columnist Matt Burke on Twitter @BurkeMetroBOS

 


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