Confession: I have a thing for the gop

The U.S. has been a beacon for millions of people, but I’m probably the only person who’s ever wanted to head there because of Republican presidential debates.

Yes, America’s Grand Old Party is calling and I’m starting to listen.

Now before you have me maple-syruped and feathered, let me be clear: I love Canada. Anne Murray’s as sexy as ever, peameal bacon wrapped in dulse and washed down with Clamato still hits the spot, and hearing the opening strains of “I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK” always brings a tear to the eye.

It’s just that I find the Republicans — and the heartland that supports them — deeply alluring because, well, because they seem kind of nuts. It’s a way-out foreign culture, every bit as exotic as those far-flung reaches of the globe I clamour to visit.

Canadians have a tendency to think of our southern neighbours as merely heavier, prouder, louder versions of ourselves — sort of Canucks dialed up to 11. But the Republican presidential debates remind me how wrong that is.

Usually, American TV misleads us, since it’s made by liberal places that most urban Canadians find easy to swallow, like New York and Hollywood.

Watching the American TV programs I did growing up, I believed that any young American tadpole (The Muppet Show) can admit to being gay (Ellen) but continue movin’ on up (The Jeffersons) until he can afford a New York loft apartment that would cost more than the Iraq invasion (Friends).

On most American TV, the U.S. seems like Canada with better temperatures and thinner people.

But the Republican debates show me a culture so different I barely comprehend it. People applaud the mention of the death penalty. Nobody seems to know what taxes are for. Rick Santorum is seen as a normal person.

This is a place I want to learn about. If this were any other continent, I’d be deeply interested. I’d want to understand.

So though my gut reaction is to roll my eyes or worse, I instead want to learn the ways of this bizarre culture.

I want to see heartland America — more Jerry Falwell, less Jerry Seinfeld. More Bible Belt, which holds up the britches of the nation. Less San Francisco, where pants are optional.

This will require research, so I plan to watch a lot of bad television, eat free-range beef and drink beer, as befits my current, close-minded understanding of heartland America.

Come to think of it, I’ve been researching to be an American all my life.

I’m gonna melt right in. 




News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

New Yorkers are nation's unhappiest residents: Study

New Yorkers aren't a happy bunch, at least to a new study released by a nonprofit economic research group.

News

NY judge throws out lawsuit by Empire State…

A New York state judge has thrown out a lawsuit in which longtime investors in the Empire State Building claimed they were shortchanged out of hundreds of millions of dollars…

Local

Mysterious white flags appear over Brooklyn Bridge

Two white flags mysteriously appeared over the towers of the Brooklyn Bridge yesterday in place of the American flags that are a traditional fixture.

National

Judge sets January start for murder trial of…

By Elizabeth BarberBOSTON (Reuters) - Former New England Patriots player Aaron Hernandez will be tried in January for the murder of semi-professional football player Odin…

Movies

From 'La Femme Nikita' to 'Lucy,' a list…

French filmmaker Luc Besson has created a cottage industry of junk cinema. Here are his many unique action heroes, including Liam Neeson and "Lucy"'s Lucy.

Movies

Review: 'Lucy,' with Scarlett Johansson, is smart, stupid…

Luc Besson's "Lucy," in which Scarlett Johansson gains increased control over her brain, is a film about smart and stupid but always enjoyable.

Television

'Pretty Little Liars' recap: Season 5, Episode 7,…

Drunk girls and ghost brownies: here’s your weekly ‘Pretty Little Liars’ recap by way of Q&A. Q: do they really not check for feet under…

Arts

Don't miss 'Charles James: Beyond Fashion' at the…

Have you been meaning to see "Charles James: Beyond Fashion"? There are only two weeks left to get to the Met and catch this amazing American fashion designer's collection.

NFL

David Tyree hiring has gay rights advocates angry

Former Giants Super Bowl hero David Tyree will re-join the franchise as its new director of player development.

NFL

Ben McAdoo's new offense has Giants excited to…

Even Tom Coughlin feels he has a lot to learn about offensive coordinator Ben McAdoo’s new offense, which makes the veteran coach very excited.

MLB

MLB Power Rankings: A's, Angels, Dodgers, Brewers lead…

MLB Power Rankings: A's, Angels, Dodgers, Brewers lead pack

NFL

2014 NFL season betting odds: Which team will…

2014 NFL season betting odds: Which team will win Super Bowl?

Tech

Learn Braille with these gloves

U.S. scientists have designed high-tech gloves to help users understand Braille in a matter of minutes.

Home

5 New Ikea products that will change your…

We round-up the latest must-have products.

Food

Recipe: Wolfgang Puck's Buttermilk French Toast

We recently spent some time chatting with restauranteur/celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck at his Wolfgang Puck American Grille in the Borgata in Atlantic City. Puck wanted…

Style

Go retro with your sneakers

The best of wacky new sneakers.