‘15 seconds to curtain’ love affair

It’s time to get things started, so let’s discuss: Why does my generation find the Muppets’ return so celebrational?

My workplace has been so overrun with Muppet talk lately that one boss said he wouldn’t take part in any more conversations unless they were Muppet-free. Embracing our good fortune, my co-workers and I spent days defending our favourite Muppets with a vigour most people save for discussing which is the one true religion.

Let’s be honest. The which-Muppet-is-best argument is silly, especially when one considers that Rowlf is the Ultimate Muppet, or “UltiMuppet,” end of story.

That truth aside, the conversation still left me wondering what it is about the Muppets that captures everyone’s imagination.

Have you ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend where all the things that bugged you in other partners seemed cute in her or him? That’s the Muppets.

The show is soaked in irony, but is sincere and sweet. The franchise rakes in cash, but it feels like they’re doing it for free. The jokes are cornier than anything this side of Hee Haw, but it’s still hilarious.

Bring a Muppet to almost anything and it improves it. If there’s a Twilight: New Muppet, I’m lining up at midnight to rave about how sexy Count Von Count is. If Mel Gibson wants to make The Passion of The Kermit, I’m there. I’ll even watch An Inconvenient Muppet Truth if Beaker is trembling at the bad news and Honeydew brings a fool-proof machine to fix global warming.

Replace Billy Joel with Rowlf, Brangelina with Kermiggy,  Nickelback half-time shows with Mahna Mahna half-time shows. Life would be better.

If the Muppets were real, the world would be a simpler, less frightening place. Tell me the House of Commons wouldn’t be improved with Statler and Waldorf in their balcony as the Official Opposition.

HARPER: This legislation will keep Canadians safer.

STATLER: Who keeps us safe from you?

HARPER: You guys, knock it off.

WALDORF: Actually, that speech reminded us of an article in our favourite magazine.

HARPER: Really?

STATLER and WALDORF: Harper’s Bizarre!

If we all lived like Muppets, peak oil wouldn’t be a problem when you can fit 40 of us in the same car. There can be no racism in a world where love exists between pig and frog. And instead of being puppets of America, we’d just be American puppets.

I’m not sure I’ve gotten to the bottom of the Muppets’ appeal, but someday we’ll find it, this rainbow connection. All I can say for sure is that my generation’s belief in the Muppets is not cheap nostalgia, but completely felt. (Wocka wocka.)


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