‘Slutcracker’ star talks ‘War on Christmas’ and the Megyn Kelly gaffe

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Around this time of year, the little ones wonder if Santa Claus is real. For those of us unfortunate enough to have achieved intellectual maturity, the yuletide question changes to, “Is the War on Christmas real, or did Dick Cheney invent it in 1994 in order to frighten old people?” We sought the truth from Vanessa White — a.k.a. Sugar Dish — creator of the “Slutcracker” burlesque extravaganza that is currently at the Somerville Theatre for its sixth year. White said the War on Christmas is not an actual thing. However, we determined that the Slutcracker is enough of an actual thing to garner national press and, in some circles, become about as famous as the Tchaikovsky pageant it echos.

What does it mean when the satire starts to become as well known as the original?

I don’t take a poll or anything, but it definitely seems like most people who come to see the Slutcracker don’t know the Nutcracker. Like, they know of it, but they’ve never seen it and they’re not familiar with the story, which is really interesting.

Megyn Kelly recently insisted that Santa Claus is white. As head honcho of the “Slutcracker,” therefore an authority on Christmas, do you think she was right?

My personal opinion of that is Santa Claus is not a real person, so why are we even talking about this? My show, sort of, um, I mean, the setting is Christmas, but that’s only because the “Nutcracker” is. It has to do with a woman finding her sexual self, and it happens that the beginning of the show happens to be at a Christmas party, but we don’t get into anything Christmasy.

Sarah Palin just put out a book about the War on Christmas. Do you think she’d appreciate the giant candy cane dong in your show?

Oh, I’m sure she’d hate it. Well, publically, she’d hate it. Her handlers would call it an abomination and all these fancy buzzwords people like to throw around concerning anything sexual or what some people would consider “deviant” lifestyle choices or whatever….in 2013.

Did you hear about the dudes in NYC doing a musical about Jesus’s crucifixion using only Britney Spears songs? What if you had to pick a pop star and a Bible story to combine into a show?

Well, Beyonce’s album just dropped, and it’s amazing. She speaks a lot about her personal experiences of coming into fame and celebrity and all that. I suppose I could lend her voice to the Book of Job, because it’s all about how, I guess, in order to earn love and success and whatever, you have to go through sacrifice and struggle.


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