Ivanka Trump’s baby: Will it rule the world (or just New York?)
Good news, political handicappers for the 2052 Presidential election: You’ve just got your front-runner!
Donald Trump’s genetically-blessed daughter Ivanka and her equally-genetically-blessed husband Jared Kushner welcomed a baby this morning! According to a tweet from mom, little Arabella Rose is “beyond adorable” — for now. In the future, she probably will end up as our genetically superior overlord.
Because celebrity babies are basically the same thing as racehorses, let’s take a look at Arabella’s bloodlines, and see what skills she inherits from her forebears that will allow her to rule us all some day (probably.)
Maternal grandpa: Donald Trump
Skills inherited: Self-promotion, branding, ease in front of cameras (television), reality-show experience (hosting), perseverance in the face of conventional hair-styling wisdom, money-inheriting acumen
Maternal grandma: Ivana Trump
Skills inherited: Ease in front of cameras (fashion), interior design, reality-show experience (competing), skiing at an Olympic level
Mother: Ivanka Trump
Skills inherited: Reality-show experience (sidekick role), ease in front of cameras (“Gossip Girl”-edition), jewelry industry knowledge, clothes-wearing acumen, high cheekbones
Paternal grandpa: Charles Kushner
Skills inherited: Real-estate acumen, philanthropic connections, firsthand knowledge of campaign-finance law, ruthlessness
Paternal grandma: Seryl Kushner
Skills inherited: Common touch, loyalty
Father: Jared Kushner
Skills inherited: Suit-wearing acumen, familiarity with media world, perseverance in the face of conventional newspaper-coloring wisdom
So there you have it: A ruthless, intensely loyal baby with all the worlds of media, finance and politics aligned behind it. To quote a fictional mogul, in 40 years we will all either be working for Arabella Kushner, or dead by her hand.
