‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ trailer: The definitive analysis

The wedding of the century!

The new “Breaking Dawn” trailer hit the web yesterday and while we have yet to find many reaction videos like we did with the first trailer analysis we did, except for this self-described “Twi-Mom” eagerly anticipating a glimpse at “Doctor McSparkly,” we can at least give you a bit of a play-by-play of the new trailer. And no, we promise not to mention why you’re lame for wanting to see it.

Firstly, I can snark all I want, but I think Kristen Stewart’s makeup looks really good here:

So yeah, there’s wedding scene and unlike the first trailer, they cut the bit about everybody getting the invite and Taylor Lautner/Jacob ripping his shirt off because he’s so pissed about it. Instead we see more of the vows and raging afterparty. RPatz looks particularly Kabuki-esque throughout this whole thing.

Blegh. Who wants to become an immortal being for that? He looks like botox victim. Anyway, Kristen Stewart/Bella is dressed decidedly more grown up and seems to be able to show some genuine emotion when her favorite old dog/Jacob/Taylor Lautner regretfully says goodbye before she becomes a vampire. Aww…

So Edward and Bella go on their honeymoon and there’s a little bit more of that headboard breaking scene. Then, whoops! She’s preggers. Carlisle/Peter Facinelli, ever the wise doctor (who btw is looking particularly bloated in the face here, or is that just me?) explains that the thing growing inside her is going crush her from the inside out. And Edward’s all:

No actually, he was more like this:

And for as much as the production values seem better in this movie, they still haven’t managed to find a decent wig for poor Alice.

Anyway, so the werewolves are all threatened by the fact that there’s this weird baby mutant growing inside Bella, so they want to kill her. But of course, good ole Jacob comes to her defense. As usual, Bella is in pain and needs to be rescued. The end.


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