A chat with Virginia Woolf’s ghost

Jenny Zigrino channels Virginia Woolf
Jenny Zigrino channels Virginia Woolf

How would our literary maps have been altered if David Foster Wallace had gone bar hopping with Fyodor Dostoyevsky? What kind of “Pride and Prejudice” would Jane Austen have penned if her literary mentor had been William S. Burroughs? How would Nathaniel Hawthorne react to “Fifty Shades of Grey?” If you’ve asked yourself questions like these, chances are that you’re kind of weird. Chances also are, however, that you’re predisposed to being into “Dead Authors” this Saturday evening at the Brookline Booksmith. A handful of accomplished local funny people — including Rob Crean, Jenny Zigrino, Steve Macone and Langston Kerman — will assume the identities of departed legends of the printed word for a benefit for 826 Boston, a non-profit dedicated to supporting young students in the literary arts.

Like all great comediennes (little known fact!) Jenny Zigrino has also mastered the art of necromancy, so she effortlessly summoned the ghost of “Mrs. Dalloway” author Virginia Woolf to give us a sample of what to expect at the undead lit fest.

Are you excited to hang out with Kurt Vonnegut and Henry David Thoreau?

Not at all. I think they’re trite. Thoreau went to the woods to write. I don’t have to go to the woods. I just need a room and some money. Vonnegut, he’s weird, and he smells bad with that beard of his. On top of that, he doodles in his books. There’s no room for doodles in my books!

But Vonnegut wasn’t published until almost 10 years after you died.

Heaven is quite boring, so we do things to entertain ourselves. I keep up with modern literature. One can only play shuttlecock so much until one is bored with such things. By the way, Vonnegut is a terrible shuttlecock player. Terrible.

Do you make a habit of supporting writing and tutoring nonprofits from beyond the grave?

No, but I like this one. I enjoy the number eight. It represents infinity, and infinite is the sadness I feel at all times.

Does it bug you that the patriarchy is still largely intact, despite how much you spoke out about gender inequality?

Yes it does. I believe that women are far more outstanding than men in every possible way. Furthermore, gay marrying is wonderful. I’ve had many female lovers, as well as my husband. We should all love each other! We should just love and love and keep loving until we’re tired of loving, and then have a snack and love some more!

What kind of a snack?

I would like a good oat bar. Something very hearty. You’ve got to get your energy back.

As someone who died in 1941, does modern technology freak you out? Do you ever worry that the Internet is a physical manifestation of evil spirits or something?

What’s evil is we only have DSL in Heaven. That’s what’s f—ing evil. I can’t even download any Hulu. I need to see the ending of “The Office!” If I miss that, I’ll have another nervous breakdown.

Who would you want to play you in a bio-pic?
Scarlett Johansson. And Vin Disel would be my husband.

You helped innovate the stream of consciousness style of fiction. Why not make everything you write simple and direct, so readers don’t have to think very hard?

If you’re not thinking, what are you doing?! You’ve got to get into the head of the person who’s writing, and really feel their emotions, their consciousness! Stream it, as if it were a YouTube video! Do you understand what I mean, young boy?

I think so.

Good. I have no idea what I’m talking about, but that’s my stream of consciousness!

If you go:

June 22, 7 p.m.
Brookline Booksmith
279 Harvard St., Brookline
brooklinebooksmith.com


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
International

'Barack Obama cheats on Michelle' claims Japanese politician…

A senior Japanese politician has marred Barack Obama's official visit to Tokyo with bizarre claims that the President cheats on his wife Michelle. Kazuyuki Hamada,…

International

British Royal family devastated by freak NY death…

The British royals have been left devastated by the death of Mark Shand, younger brother of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, after a freak fall in…

Local

Philadelphia principal has President Obama's ear

The West Philadelphia head is gathering ideas to present to the White House.

Local

Neighbors testify at Overbrook roommate slaying trial

Neighbors and roommates were called to testify Wednesday in the trial of Renaldo Robichaw, 56, charged with murder for the death of roommate Albert Smith, 48.

Television

‘Survivor: Cagayan’ recap: Episode 9

It was only an hour-long episode, but there's a lot to cover this week. The drama of Survivor strikes again as the identity of the…

Television

TV watch list, Wednesday, April 23: 'Suburgatory,' 'Modern…

'Suburgatory' The men of "Suburgatory" go camping and Tessa mentors a social outcast in a Miss Chatswin contest, which brings her, once again, into conflict…

Movies

Latin culture highlighted at Filadelphia film fest

Get ready to have a “Bad Hair” day at the upcoming Filadelphia Latin American Film Festival. We mean that in the best possible way. The…

The Word

The best lines from Oprah's ex-stepmother's Daily Mail…

Oprah’s ex-stepmother, Barbara Winfrey, is out for revenge.

NFL

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24…

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24 version

NFL

Eagles will spend Thanksgiving in Dallas, play four…

The Eagles have an impressive, challenging and exciting schedule in 2014.

NFL

NFL releases Eagles 2014 schedule

The Eagles have four primetime games, face the Cowboys on Thanksgiving and host the Seahawks in a dynamic, challenging and impressive schedule.

NHL

All signs suggest Steve Mason will start in…

Flyers head coach Craig Berube elected to put Steve Mason in net for the final minutes of Game 3.

Style

Pippa Middleton's Etsy pick: Golden Thread Jewelry

Get a look at the jewelry Pippa Middleton loves and find out how you can buy it too.

Parenting

What every parent needs to know to get…

Mom and author of "Small Talk," Tracey Blake, shares her five practical tips to help you develop your children's language skills.

Sex

Subway crush: Meet your soulmate on your commute

Read about a couple who has been 40 years after meeting on the train.

Tech

Happy birthday, Game Boy! The handheld console turns…

Nintendo's Game Boy turns 25 this week. To commemorate, we look at some of its better games, like "Tetris" and "The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening."