Miley Cyrus masturbates in sexy teaser from upcoming ‘Adore You’ video

Ok, so everyone has seen this clip that’s going around from Miley’s new music video for her song “Adore You,” right?

If you haven’t, because, I guess, you don’t have a Google alert set up for “Miley Cyrus” like I do, here’s the relevant info:

The teaser, which Miley posted to her Instagram over the weekend, features grainy, sex tape-esque footage of Miley, er, pleasuring herself.

I guess we now have the answer to the age-old question “where does one in eternal pursuit of shock value and press go after humping a foam finger while practically naked onstage?” One goes to fingering oneself on camera.

But, OK, here’s the thing. Anyone who has read my column in this publication knows that I’m a hardcore Miley apologist. I think she’s awesome and, despite her annoying penchant for tongue-wagging, super talented! (“We Can’t Stop” was the undisputed, number one jam of the year, and maybe my life.) So, what I’m going to say next shouldn’t come as a huge surprise.

I don’t hate this. Miley Cyrus is a next-level entertainer and whoever is handling her PR right now deserves a big, fat holiday bonus. MyCy (I’m still totally going with this, and don’t understand why nobody else has picked this up) was the most-Googled person of the year, which is pretty damn impressive considering where she started.

Also, I’m sure there’s an opportunity for a think piece on female empowerment and sexual freedom, etc, etc here. I’m not going to write it, I’m just saying there’s a window.


Mutant worms stay sober, even on alcohol

U.S. researchers have developed "mutant worms" that do not get drunk by alcohol, a breakthrough that could lead to new treatment for people trying to quit drinking


K-9 nose helps capture $150K in cocaine at…

A furry, four-legged security agent helped authorities stop an illegal cocaine shipment from sneaking past JFK customs.


Minnesota man asked to leave Southwest flight after…

A man and his two sons were asked to leave a Southwest Airlines flight after the man sent a tweet complaining about being treated rudely by a gate agent.


Man sues hospital after surprise penis amputation

An Alabama man who went in to a hospital last month for a circumcision awoke after surgery to find his penis had been amputated, his lawyer said on Thursday.


Review: Brett Ratner's big 'Hercules' movie is small…

The latest "Hercules," starring Dwayne Johnson as the half-god beefcake of Greek myth, strips its hero and tale of most of its fantastical elements.


Scientists recreate world's smallest Monet copy

Scientists have reproduced a famous Impressionist painting using nano-printing, to create what has been described as the world's smallest work of art. Reworked at the…


Jerry Seinfeld is ambidextrous, and other Reddit AMA…

See some of the weirder highlights of Jerry Seinfeld's recent Reddit AMA.

Going Out

Grab a pedestrian and start dancing at What…

As a New Yorker, I’ve mastered the art of focusing my gaze straight ahead. Though it occasionally piques my interest, the absurdities that play out…

U.S. Soccer

Orlando City takes shot at NYCFC over Frank…

Orlando City reminded the world how big a signing Brazilian star Kaka earlier this month with a photo of Kaka mobbed by fans juxtaposed against Lampard.


Jeremy Lin says 'Linsanity' is over as he…

Jeremy Lin lit up the NBA two years ago with his play for the Knicks but he has no desire to recreate "Linsanity" in his new career with the Lakers.


2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player…

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player rankings

U.S. Soccer

NYCFC announce signing of Frank Lampard

The tease of a big signing Thursday by new MLS side NYCFC ended up being one rumored for weeks. England midfielder Frank Lampard agreed to…


Forget Wi-Fi: Li-Fi could be the future

Li-Fi technology – developed by Mexican company Sisoft – is wireless internet connectivity using specialized LED light.


Weather app Climendo might be the most accurate…

The wait for a truly accurate weather forecast could finally be over thanks to a nifty new app called Climendo.


Napkin Table puts focus off the phone and…

Michael Jan, a design student at Tunghai University in Taiwan, has invented a serviette-picnic blanket hybrid called the Napkin Table.


Essie's new Color Boutique

Essie launches high-tech kiosks at major airports and malls across the country.