There’s a drunk Patrick Kane at every frat party

That's Kane in the neon.

By now you’ve likely heard of Chicago Blackhawks star Patrick Kane’s piss-your-pants-drunk weekend at the University of Wisconsin. It’s taken two weeks, but it appears that all the details have finally been leaked  (pun intended).

Typically, this type of once-in-a-semester weekend debauchery would be cause for celebration at PTF. But we’re realists here.

Kane is now 23-years-old. He is a professional hockey player. He should be able to host parties in his own backyard, poolside, on any given afternoon that trump that of a Natty Light-laden Wisconsin frat house. He should be able to score two “10s” as opposed to the two “5’s” he bragged about bagging (in Spanish).

In other words, Patrick Kane is teetering back and forth in the 22-to-25 year-old male grey area of douchiness/awesomeness that we all have or will encounter. For one, his sunglasses reek of 2008. He could have worn a Von Dutch trucker hat and a vintage printed tee that read: “Clockwork Orange,” and have been more in style than he was at this Badgers frat party.

Not only does he struggle keeping up with the fashion trends of today’s college kids, he obviously struggles to keep up drinking-wise as well (an unforgivable offense at a college campus for a 23-year-old).
The lesson here is to simply know your limits.

When my college bud and I saw the finish line to our campus lives, we vowed to make enough money in our first post-college year to finance a prime off-campus apartment and the purchase of a hot tub.

The idea was to have weekly parties that looked something like this, complete with Snoop and the guy in the green hat.

Owning a journalism degree, and not a clue, this predictably did not happen.

But I learned my lesson just two weeks after entering the “real world.” I realized that this fail-proof endeavor would have simply made us look weak.

When you’re in college, in the prime of your life and happen to be an 18-22-year-old coed, that 23-year-old guy wearing a neon shirt and Kanye sunglasses at the frat party might as well be 83.

He is old. He is pathetic. He is out-of-touch with reality.

So if you’re in your early 20’s, but past the ripe college age, let this be a lesson. No matter how hard you may try, you can’t pull this stuff off and still have dignity … unless your name is Rob Gronkowski, of course.

Ho hum, guy gets skull driven into plexiglass

International hockey is typically a waste of time (save for the medal rounds of the Olympics), but this needs to be viewed, simply because of how barbaric it is.

With the concussion crisis at its possible apex, we won’t be seeing stuff like this much longer in the NHL. And we know why, of course.

But most sports fans will continue to get a thrill watching massive collisions in collision sports. For better or worse, it’s our nature.

Tortorella for Prez

Seriously, does it get any better than Rangers coach John Tortorella? I mean, every single press conference the guy holds, something phenomenal happens. It’s a proven fact.

I would love to see the quarter hour ratings between a Tortorella presser going head-to-head with Milwaukee-San Diego on MLB Network.

Even better, I would love to see Tortorella directing an episode MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen. Culture clashes are the best.


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