There’s a very good reason as to why Justin Timberlake hasn’t brought “Sexy Back” back.

It’s because “Sexy Back,” like everything else in life, had a shelf life. You’ll remember that “Sexy Back” had quite a good run in the late summer of 2006, one that is on popularity par with Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” and Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA.”

Even hardened pop critics had to agree that all three of these ditties were phenomenal and rightfully popular if for no other reason than they were just so damn catchy … sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade.

But no matter how popular a song, pop catchphrase or social media movement gets, it always, ALWAYS has a shelf life. We’ve touched on this subject before, namely when Paul Pierce inexplicably “Tebowed” in the NBA playoffs this spring. Unless you have a warped mental timeline (and many people out there do … it’s really an epidemic), you know that “Tebowing” reached the height of its popularity in December 2011. Pierce attempted this nearly a HALF YEAR later. Unbelievably taboo.

Even the phrase that was made up about this type of thing: “jumping the shark,” has jumped the shark.
This all brings us to this unprecedented issue: the USA women’s soccer team doing a “Call Me Maybe” -like lip synching, user submitted cover video, not of “Call Me Maybe” but of, yup, you guessed it “Party in the USA.” I suppose they thought it would pass as creative due to the subtle iconic pop song switch.

Here’s the space where I would say “enjoy,” but I’m not so sure that’s appropriate:

I think we can all agree that the one highlight of the video is when the girl blows mud at 0:37. It’s quite erotic. But other than that, a good three minutes and 18 seconds of queer chills for the viewer. Go USA?

Wicked crazy

So that unbelievably attractive woman who was stalking Theo Epstein last week? Come to find out you can never accuse her of being:  a. Sane or b. Subtle.

In true Kathleen Kearney form, she showed up to court this week wearing a Red Sox t-shirt that was, of course, tucked into her skirt.