Playing the Field: Can I get some poop with that lap dance?
Oh how we love a good poop story.
This one, however, may have gone a little too far — unless, of course, you are an R. Kelly fan.
A Catholic high school in Evansville, Ind. is grabbing headlines after members of the cheer squad were caught with their pants down, literally. Junior cheerleaders were forced to defecate (that is No. 2 for the lesser informed) in the same toilet, told not to flush, then were locked in by the seniors.
OK, that’s gross but it could fall under some good-natured hazing, right?
Wait, there’s more. The junior girls were told to strip and the sophomores, also naked, were sent in to provide lap dances. They treated the sordid fiasco (see what we did there?) as a contest.
From Deadspin: “According to my daughter, many of the sophomores were crying, one girl even peed herself because she was so scared.”
These are serious allegations involving minors, so we’re not going to make light of anything here, but somewhere Dave Chappelle is smiling. Oh the fun he could have had with this skit.
Do it to get chicks
Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski is arguably the coolest dude in all of sports. He shatters records on the field and shatters hearts off it, all while flexing and drinking Norm Peterson under the table.
This week, the Gronk graces the cover of Sports Illustrated’s NFL preview issue. We haven’t read the article yet — someone swiped it off our desk actually — but the best part of the interview has already gone viral. When asked why he works so hard in the gym, Gronk said, “Do it to get chicks!”
Yep, the 2012 New England Patriots have their rallying cry.
Sir Charles singing End of the Road
We have kind of a slight obsession with Charles Barkley. He admittedly never worked out (check his pudding body for proof), spit on fans, called out teammates, yada yada yada, yet he still went down as one of the greatest forwards in the history of the NBA.
Barkley was so out of control at the 1992 Olympics that a writer was detailed to follow him around and chronicle his adventures, not just on the basketball court, either. He would go out drinking and gambling every night, according to respected Dream Team biographer Jack McCallum.
For all these reasons — and his Emmy-award winning broadcast work on TNT — we believe that every sporting event should feature a two-man booth crew of Barkley and Marv Albert.
Basketball? Obviously. Football? Move over, Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. Baseball? Yes. Golf? Jim Nantz, get your shine box. Bowling? Why not?
OK, that was a long segue just to show you this amazing video: Sir Charles singing karoake at a bar with Boyz II Men … enjoy the long weekend!