Funky Brown Chick: “Help, my girlfriend hates oral!”

funky brown chick oral sex

If you want her to get down with you going downtown, you have to use your mouth…to communicate! Jeez! / Colourbox

I’m a straight guy, 27 years old, and I am crazy about my girlfriend of two years. We have awesome chemistry, and for the most part, the sex is great. But she gets really uncomfortable when I go down on her, like she doesn’t trust that I am having fun—which I totally am! How can I help her open up to it?

Considering vaginal penetration is less likely to produce orgasms in women than clitoral stimulation, it is especially unfortunate that straight partners often prioritize it. I gather you already understand how important it is to pay attention more than one orifice for oh-so-amazing sexual pleasures. It sounds like you already understand that, and you want to reassure your girlfriend that you going downtown is a favorite on your shared sexual menu of choices.

It is not a coincidence that the word intercourse describes both sexual activity and interpersonal communication. You mention she “gets really uncomfortable,” and it’s “like” she doesn’t trust that you are having fun. That sounds very nonverbal.

It may be time for the two of you to have a talk. While speech is certainly not required to communicate every sexual desire, in this situation, it could help provide a bit more clarity for of you. Here’s my advice for puckering up for some real talk about eating your lover:

Put Her Ease

Be sure to explain to your girlfriend exactly why you enjoy going down on her. To reassure her that you’re a bona fide Downtown Dining Enthusiast, here are sample phrases to kickstart the conversation: “I really love the way you taste because ___” or “I want to know if I am pleasing you because _________.”

Up Your Game

Your girlfriend is only 50% of your relationship’s equation. If you’ve not yet explicitly asked her about your skills, how can we be 100% sure that she likes oral sex and just isn’t comfortable with the way you’re doing it? Don’t freak out on me. I truly believe you are a champion, my little carpet-munching soldier. I’m just saying education is a lifelong process, and one should never stop learning. A while back, my column helped a dude tell his lady how to do better going down, too. Enjoy similar tips below to up your game in the clit olympics.

Dig Deeper

We all have egos, right? Exposing our genitals to our lovers can sometimes leave us feeling, well, exposed and vulnerable. If you’ve already been together for two years, that tells me you’re a couple with some staying power. To make this relationship even more enjoyable, plunge deeper into sexual intimacy. Communicate about your needs and desires and explore sex together. Good luck, and please keep me posted.

Make your #Vday better with @FunkyBrownChick’s advice at our Twitter chat!

Looking for ways to make your Valentine’s day a sex-positive, open minded love-fest? Join Funky Brown Chick (a.k.a. Twanna Hines) for a Valentine’s Day Twitter chat. Use the hashtag #AskFBC to get answers to your deepest questions on love, relationships and sexual health.

— Twanna A. Hines is an award–winning educator and sex columnist. She has contributed to CNN, NPR, Sirius, Lifetime, Mashable, Nerve, Fast Company magazine, CBC (Canadian National Radio), Paris Première (French television) and Al Jazeera. She’s online at FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, and you can follow her on Twitter @funkybrownchick.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Mutant worms stay sober, even on alcohol

U.S. researchers have developed "mutant worms" that do not get drunk by alcohol, a breakthrough that could lead to new treatment for people trying to quit drinking

Local

K-9 nose helps capture $150K in cocaine at…

A furry, four-legged security agent helped authorities stop an illegal cocaine shipment from sneaking past JFK customs.

National

Minnesota man asked to leave Southwest flight after…

A man and his two sons were asked to leave a Southwest Airlines flight after the man sent a tweet complaining about being treated rudely by a gate agent.

National

Man sues hospital after surprise penis amputation

An Alabama man who went in to a hospital last month for a circumcision awoke after surgery to find his penis had been amputated, his lawyer said on Thursday.

Movies

Review: Brett Ratner's big 'Hercules' movie is small…

The latest "Hercules," starring Dwayne Johnson as the half-god beefcake of Greek myth, strips its hero and tale of most of its fantastical elements.

Arts

Scientists recreate world's smallest Monet copy

Scientists have reproduced a famous Impressionist painting using nano-printing, to create what has been described as the world's smallest work of art. Reworked at the…

Television

Jerry Seinfeld is ambidextrous, and other Reddit AMA…

See some of the weirder highlights of Jerry Seinfeld's recent Reddit AMA.

Going Out

Grab a pedestrian and start dancing at What…

As a New Yorker, I’ve mastered the art of focusing my gaze straight ahead. Though it occasionally piques my interest, the absurdities that play out…

U.S. Soccer

Orlando City takes shot at NYCFC over Frank…

Orlando City reminded the world how big a signing Brazilian star Kaka earlier this month with a photo of Kaka mobbed by fans juxtaposed against Lampard.

NBA

Jeremy Lin says 'Linsanity' is over as he…

Jeremy Lin lit up the NBA two years ago with his play for the Knicks but he has no desire to recreate "Linsanity" in his new career with the Lakers.

NFL

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player…

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player rankings

U.S. Soccer

NYCFC announce signing of Frank Lampard

The tease of a big signing Thursday by new MLS side NYCFC ended up being one rumored for weeks. England midfielder Frank Lampard agreed to…

Tech

Forget Wi-Fi: Li-Fi could be the future

Li-Fi technology – developed by Mexican company Sisoft – is wireless internet connectivity using specialized LED light.

Tech

Weather app Climendo might be the most accurate…

The wait for a truly accurate weather forecast could finally be over thanks to a nifty new app called Climendo.

Tech

Napkin Table puts focus off the phone and…

Michael Jan, a design student at Tunghai University in Taiwan, has invented a serviette-picnic blanket hybrid called the Napkin Table.

Style

Essie's new Color Boutique

Essie launches high-tech kiosks at major airports and malls across the country.