Funky Brown Chick: “Help, my girlfriend hates oral!”

funky brown chick oral sex

If you want her to get down with you going downtown, you have to use your mouth…to communicate! Jeez! / Colourbox

I’m a straight guy, 27 years old, and I am crazy about my girlfriend of two years. We have awesome chemistry, and for the most part, the sex is great. But she gets really uncomfortable when I go down on her, like she doesn’t trust that I am having fun—which I totally am! How can I help her open up to it?

Considering vaginal penetration is less likely to produce orgasms in women than clitoral stimulation, it is especially unfortunate that straight partners often prioritize it. I gather you already understand how important it is to pay attention more than one orifice for oh-so-amazing sexual pleasures. It sounds like you already understand that, and you want to reassure your girlfriend that you going downtown is a favorite on your shared sexual menu of choices.

It is not a coincidence that the word intercourse describes both sexual activity and interpersonal communication. You mention she “gets really uncomfortable,” and it’s “like” she doesn’t trust that you are having fun. That sounds very nonverbal.

It may be time for the two of you to have a talk. While speech is certainly not required to communicate every sexual desire, in this situation, it could help provide a bit more clarity for of you. Here’s my advice for puckering up for some real talk about eating your lover:

Put Her Ease

Be sure to explain to your girlfriend exactly why you enjoy going down on her. To reassure her that you’re a bona fide Downtown Dining Enthusiast, here are sample phrases to kickstart the conversation: “I really love the way you taste because ___” or “I want to know if I am pleasing you because _________.”

Up Your Game

Your girlfriend is only 50% of your relationship’s equation. If you’ve not yet explicitly asked her about your skills, how can we be 100% sure that she likes oral sex and just isn’t comfortable with the way you’re doing it? Don’t freak out on me. I truly believe you are a champion, my little carpet-munching soldier. I’m just saying education is a lifelong process, and one should never stop learning. A while back, my column helped a dude tell his lady how to do better going down, too. Enjoy similar tips below to up your game in the clit olympics.

Dig Deeper

We all have egos, right? Exposing our genitals to our lovers can sometimes leave us feeling, well, exposed and vulnerable. If you’ve already been together for two years, that tells me you’re a couple with some staying power. To make this relationship even more enjoyable, plunge deeper into sexual intimacy. Communicate about your needs and desires and explore sex together. Good luck, and please keep me posted.

Make your #Vday better with @FunkyBrownChick’s advice at our Twitter chat!

Looking for ways to make your Valentine’s day a sex-positive, open minded love-fest? Join Funky Brown Chick (a.k.a. Twanna Hines) for a Valentine’s Day Twitter chat. Use the hashtag #AskFBC to get answers to your deepest questions on love, relationships and sexual health.

— Twanna A. Hines is an award–winning educator and sex columnist. She has contributed to CNN, NPR, Sirius, Lifetime, Mashable, Nerve, Fast Company magazine, CBC (Canadian National Radio), Paris Première (French television) and Al Jazeera. She’s online at FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, and you can follow her on Twitter @funkybrownchick.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

MTA announces service changes for Sunday

The MTA has announced service changes ahead of Sunday's People's Climate March, which will be held from 11:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Sunday. Riders using…

Local

NYPD launches Twitter account for L train

The NYPD recently launched a Twitter handle dedicated to the L train and its riders. According to @NYPDLtrain, officers went underground Thursday morning to hand…

Local

Bushwick community space offers activists a place to…

A new Bushwick community space offers community activists to meet, create, learn and throw back a few cold ones. MayDay, located 214 Starr Street in Bushwick,…

Local

Activists gearing up for Sunday's "historic" People's Climate…

If all goes according to plan, more than 100,000 people will gather near Central Park West on Sunday morning and march through midtown to raise…

Movies

Review: Terry Gilliam's 'The Zero Theorem' is better…

Terry Gilliam's latest, "The Zero Theorem," concerns a reclusive malcontent (Christoph Waltz) struggling with the search for the meaning of life.

Music

Esperanza Spalding and a being called Emily get…

Esperanza Spalding is about to spiral off in a brand new direction that may or may include an alter ego named Emily.

Movies

Review: Bickering family dramedy 'This is Where I…

A talented cast sits Shiva in the bickering family dramedy "This is Where I Leave You," although it's more sap than yuks.

Movies

Review: Desert-walking movie 'Tracks' would be better as…

Mia Wasikowska walks 1700 miles across Australia's deserts in "Tracks," in a story that defies triumph-of-the-spirit cliches but gets some of them anyway.

NFL

J.J. Watt poses unique challenges to struggling Giants…

Watt, arguably the best defensive player in the league, is the leader of a surprising Texans (2-0) team that has already matched last season’s win total.

NFL

Eric Decker 'unlikely to play' against Bears: Source

Jets wide receiver Eric Decker's status for Monday night’s game against the Bears is in doubt after he missed practice again Wednesday.

NFL

Preston Parker, not Odell Beckham, will replace Jerrel…

Tom Coughlin noted the next man up will be unheralded veteran Preston Parker.

NFL

NFL Week 3 full schedule (kickoff time, TV)

NFL Week 3 full schedule (kickoff time, TV)

Parenting

A sneaky way to serve kids fruits and…

"My First Juices and Smoothies" gives smoothie recipes for kids.

Style

3 things we love from Day 1 of…

The highlights from Day 1 of Milan Fashion Week.

Sex

Why don't more couples use condoms?

  Call it the “condom moment.” That’s the name the authors of a new study have given to the pivotal conversation every couple should be…

Sex

Need an idea for a first date? Here's…

Picture your idea of a nice first date. Is it dinner and a movie? A visit to an interesting museum exhibit? Instead, an expert on…