Funky Brown Chick: “Help, my girlfriend hates oral!”

funky brown chick oral sex

If you want her to get down with you going downtown, you have to use your mouth…to communicate! Jeez! / Colourbox

I’m a straight guy, 27 years old, and I am crazy about my girlfriend of two years. We have awesome chemistry, and for the most part, the sex is great. But she gets really uncomfortable when I go down on her, like she doesn’t trust that I am having fun—which I totally am! How can I help her open up to it?

Considering vaginal penetration is less likely to produce orgasms in women than clitoral stimulation, it is especially unfortunate that straight partners often prioritize it. I gather you already understand how important it is to pay attention more than one orifice for oh-so-amazing sexual pleasures. It sounds like you already understand that, and you want to reassure your girlfriend that you going downtown is a favorite on your shared sexual menu of choices.

It is not a coincidence that the word intercourse describes both sexual activity and interpersonal communication. You mention she “gets really uncomfortable,” and it’s “like” she doesn’t trust that you are having fun. That sounds very nonverbal.

It may be time for the two of you to have a talk. While speech is certainly not required to communicate every sexual desire, in this situation, it could help provide a bit more clarity for of you. Here’s my advice for puckering up for some real talk about eating your lover:

Put Her Ease

Be sure to explain to your girlfriend exactly why you enjoy going down on her. To reassure her that you’re a bona fide Downtown Dining Enthusiast, here are sample phrases to kickstart the conversation: “I really love the way you taste because ___” or “I want to know if I am pleasing you because _________.”

Up Your Game

Your girlfriend is only 50% of your relationship’s equation. If you’ve not yet explicitly asked her about your skills, how can we be 100% sure that she likes oral sex and just isn’t comfortable with the way you’re doing it? Don’t freak out on me. I truly believe you are a champion, my little carpet-munching soldier. I’m just saying education is a lifelong process, and one should never stop learning. A while back, my column helped a dude tell his lady how to do better going down, too. Enjoy similar tips below to up your game in the clit olympics.

Dig Deeper

We all have egos, right? Exposing our genitals to our lovers can sometimes leave us feeling, well, exposed and vulnerable. If you’ve already been together for two years, that tells me you’re a couple with some staying power. To make this relationship even more enjoyable, plunge deeper into sexual intimacy. Communicate about your needs and desires and explore sex together. Good luck, and please keep me posted.

Make your #Vday better with @FunkyBrownChick’s advice at our Twitter chat!

Looking for ways to make your Valentine’s day a sex-positive, open minded love-fest? Join Funky Brown Chick (a.k.a. Twanna Hines) for a Valentine’s Day Twitter chat. Use the hashtag #AskFBC to get answers to your deepest questions on love, relationships and sexual health.

— Twanna A. Hines is an award–winning educator and sex columnist. She has contributed to CNN, NPR, Sirius, Lifetime, Mashable, Nerve, Fast Company magazine, CBC (Canadian National Radio), Paris Première (French television) and Al Jazeera. She’s online at FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, and you can follow her on Twitter @funkybrownchick.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
News

OMG! Exercise can make skin (and butt) look…

A moderate exercise regime can turn back time and actually reverse the skin's aging process, according to new research. The study showed that a minimum…

Local

Oval oasis: Summer of fun kicks off this…

A bold partnership between the Fairmount Park Conservancy and the city's Parks and Recreation Department is kicking off this weekend with family activities re-activating this unused public space.

Local

African couple claiming misidentification in robbery case to…

At a bail hearing today for Vickson and Lorfu Korlewala, charged in the robbery of an 80-year-old woman, bail was reduced from $1 million total to $500,000.

International

Jews in eastern Ukraine ordered to register, Kerry…

Secretary of State John Kerry condemned reports that Jews in eastern Ukraine had been ordered to register with the authorities "or suffer the consequences."

The Word

Kate Middleton made fun of Prince William's bald…

Kate Middleton and Prince William are in Sydney, Australia, right now, and it sounds like that brash Aussie sense of humor might be rubbing off.

The Word

Is Tom Cruise dating Laura Prepon?

"Mission: Impossible" star Cruise is said to be dating Laura Prepon, star of "Orange is the New Black."

Television

'Scandal' recap: Season 3, Episode 18, 'The Price…

Sally is Jesus, Olivia caused global warming, and Mellie's still drunk. Let's recap the Scandal finale. A church full of Washington insiders is about to…

Movies

Review: 'Transcendence' is not stupid but sometimes lacks…

The cyberthriller "Transcendence" explores artificial intelligence, nanotechnology and other ethical quandaries, but has too much ambition, if anything.

MLB

Jimmy Rollins is key to Phillies success

When John Kruk was asked about what the Phillies need to contend for a playoff berth, the ESPN analyst said Jimmy Rollins needs to play like a MVP again.

MLB

Ben Revere lifts Phillies to avoid sweep

Ben Revere came through with a two-out RBI single against Atlanta’s tough lefthander Alex Wood.

NBA

Season wrap: 76ers make the grade

The 76ers opened the 2013-14 season with a victory over the Miami Heat. The Sixers closed the season with a win at Miami.

NBA

Fantasy basketball: Finding next year's NBA studs

Before we put the 2013-14 fantasy basketball season to bed, it’s worth thinking about next year’s breakouts while they’re fresh in our mind.

Style

Light-up nail art syncs with phone

This Japanese technology syncs light-up nail art with your phone.

Wellbeing

Why is dance cardio taking off in NYC?

Instructors at some of the city's hottest classes explain why.

Travel

Earth Day travel in the Florida Keys

See why this eco-friendly destination deserves your attention.

Tech

Sorry, Facebook — FarmVille goes mobile with 'Country…

Zynga has released a version of the hit "FarmVille" tailored for smartphones and tablets in the hope of reaping a bumper crop of players.