The best lines from the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner

Saturday night’s White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, the annual event where journalists and celebrities mix with the Washington elite, was definitely a laughing matter. Host Conan O’Brien threw some zingers at the media (“Yes, all the Washington news media are here tonight, including the stars of online journalism. I see the Huffington Post has a table. Yay! Which has me wondering, who is covering Miley Cyrus’ latest nip slip?”), but it was President Barack Obama who really brought the laughs.

Here are the top lines:

10. O’BRIEN: “Of course, probably the biggest story that people in this room covered this year was the Republican failure to recapture the White House. Hard to believe the Republicans didn’t fare better in the election with the support of celebrities like Ted Nugent and Meatloaf. I guess they overestimated the number of voters who still drive carpeted vans.”

9. OBAMA: “These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I’m not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be. Time passes. You get a little gray.”

8. O’BRIEN: “By the way, I have a question. And I think some of you also have this question. It’s been several months since you were reelected sir, so I’m curious, why are you still sending everyone five emails a day asking for more money? You won! Do you have a gambling problem we don’t know about?”

7. OBAMA: “One senator who has reached across the aisle recently is Marco Rubio, but I don’t know about 2016. I mean, the guy has not even finished a single term in the Senate and he thinks he’s ready to be president. Kids these days.”

6. OBAMA: “I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2 a.m.”

5. O’BRIEN: “This year you have taken it to new heights. I have to congratulate you. New heights, because you have some of the guys from “Duck Dynasty” here. Which can only mean one thing — the guys from “Storage Wars” said no.”

4. O’BRIEN: “The demographics of this country have been rapidly changing over the past two decades and I look forward to hosting this event 18 years from now. Then my opening line will be ‘Buenos noches …. president e Mario Lopez.”

3. OBAMA: “I’m also hard at work on plans for the Obama Library, and some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I’d rather keep it in the United States.”

2. OBAMA: “I understand that when the Correspondents Association was considering Conan for this gig they were faced with that age ol’ dilemma: do you offer it to him now or wait for five years and then give it to Jimmy Fallon?”

1. O’BRIEN: “It’s been said recently that you don’t mess with Boston. As someone who grew up there, I’d like to echo that sentiment. It’s really pretty simple: if you’re going to pick on a city, don’t choose one where 9 out of 10 people are related to a cop.”


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Oval oasis: Summer of fun kicks off this…

A bold partnership between the Fairmount Park Conservancy and the city's Parks and Recreation Department is kicking off this weekend with family activities re-activating this unused public space.

Local

African couple claiming misidentification in robbery case to…

At a bail hearing today for Vickson and Lorfu Korlewala, charged in the robbery of an 80-year-old woman, bail was reduced from $1 million total to $500,000.

International

Jews in eastern Ukraine ordered to register, Kerry…

Secretary of State John Kerry condemned reports that Jews in eastern Ukraine had been ordered to register with the authorities "or suffer the consequences."

National

Chelsea Clinton pregnant with first child

Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with her first child.

Television

Dick Wolf to bring fictionalized world of 'Law…

A&E has ordered a pilot called "D.O.A." from "Law and Order" mastermind Dick Wolf that will focus on real detectives reexamining cold cases. A trio…

Movies

Review: 'Transcendence' is not stupid but sometimes lacks…

The cyberthriller "Transcendence" explores artificial intelligence, nanotechnology and other ethical quandaries, but has too much ambition, if anything.

Television

Shane West talks WGN America's 'Salem'

The actor on history lessons, a new network and showing his butt.

Music

Both feet on the ground with Aimee Mann…

What began with a cool double-bill of Ted Leo opening for Aimee Mann morphed into a full-fledged collaborative project that they're calling The Both. “There…

NHL

Rangers draw first blood against Flyers in Game…

Brad Richards and Derek Stepan scored power-play goals 47 seconds apart to lead the Rangers to a 4-1 win.

MLB

Jimmy Rollins is key to Phillies success

When John Kruk was asked about what the Phillies need to contend for a playoff berth, the ESPN analyst said Jimmy Rollins needs to play like a MVP again.

MLB

Ben Revere lifts Phillies to avoid sweep

Ben Revere came through with a two-out RBI single against Atlanta’s tough lefthander Alex Wood.

NBA

Season wrap: 76ers make the grade

The 76ers opened the 2013-14 season with a victory over the Miami Heat. The Sixers closed the season with a win at Miami.

Style

Light-up nail art syncs with phone

This Japanese technology syncs light-up nail art with your phone.

Wellbeing

Why is dance cardio taking off in NYC?

Instructors at some of the city's hottest classes explain why.

Travel

Earth Day travel in the Florida Keys

See why this eco-friendly destination deserves your attention.

Tech

Sorry, Facebook — FarmVille goes mobile with 'Country…

Zynga has released a version of the hit "FarmVille" tailored for smartphones and tablets in the hope of reaping a bumper crop of players.