Don’t be such a beauty snob when it comes to dating

Let’s imagine that you’re in a relationship with someone you really dig: They’re witty, wise beyond their years and well-versed in the ways of amore. And yet, you find yourself in the midst of what might be termed a moral conundrum. Your dilemma? This special someone is severely lacking in one or more of the following departments: looks, hairstyle, fashion sense, grooming, endowment or physical fitness — so much so that you cringe whenever you look at them.

Happily, you close your eyes when your lips meet, and your repulsion is temporarily abated. You’re racked with guilt for being  superficial, but you can’t deny your feelings. You tell yourself your intentions are honorable, that you want to protect them from the judgments of others, but you ultimately fear that you will be judged by who you are with. You ask yourself, “How can I be so physically attracted to someone who is so aesthetically displeasing to me?” In moments of superiority, you tell yourself that you’re out of your partner’s league. And yet, you are in love … almost.

In a world that places so much emphasis on looks, it’s understandable that this issue might come with various partners. But if you dig beneath the surface a bit, you’ll realize that it’s OK not to be attracted to someone aesthetically speaking, but it’s not OK to be ashamed of them. It’s OK?for you not to find someone good-looking, but it’s not OK to be so concerned with what others think. It’s OK to judge someone’s appearance; it’s not OK to judge their worth by their appearance.

Understand that there are many factors at play when it comes to sexual compatibility. It’s not simply about one single aesthetic concern. To let one superficial factor overrule all others is like throwing the ugly baby out with the bath water.

While it’s acceptable to have certain beauty preferences, don’t become a beauty fascist. Remember, while looks certainly fade, personal integrity is forever.

Em & Lo’s latest book is “SEX: How to Do Everything.”
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