Just like starting over: How to feel better after being dumped

Get more tips from Urquhart at www.newroadcoaching.com.

The holidays can often be a breaking point for relationships that are on the fritz, which is why many find themselves down and out at the beginning of a new year. But hey, what better time to start over and shed the dysfunction of that no-good ex of yours? Caird Urquhart’s new book, “30 Ways to Better Days: How to Rally After You’ve Been Dumped” offers some key tips for putting your life back together and moving on as healthfully and quickly as possible. She offers us her top tips for starting over:

Don’t react: “You have to sit with it a bit at the end of the relationship,” Urquhart says. “It’s important to not make a lot of really big decisions right away. I personally like to take a year, because you need to go through each season, each celebration and each holiday to grieve that past relationship, because you’re always reminded of what happened this time last year.”

Get a grief team: “A grief team is really important for getting over a relationship,” Urquhart explains. “Often we’ll go to a particular [friend] … for hours talking about our woes, but you can wear down your friends that way, so I recommend that you have a different person for each day of the week, because you’re going to want to talk about it a lot. Make sure those people have your best interests at heart.”
 
Get rid of the “stuff”: “Get rid of any old letters, texts or e-mails,” Urquhart says. “Maybe [he or she is] on Facebook, maybe [he or she] left a few things at your apartment. It’s important to tuck that stuff away so that you’re not looking at it every day and giving yourself visual reminders of that person.
That also opens the space up for you to replace them with pictures of your nephews and nieces and your other friends. Replace him or her with other moments in your life.”

Don’t ask about your ex:
“If you’re going to parties and you’re finding that [his or her] name is always popping up, do not enter those conversations,” Urquhart says. “Don’t look to your [friends] to get information about him [or her]. You just don’t need to know.”
 
Start doing something new:
“Start taking classes with a different group of people. Hang out at a new gym,” Urquhart suggests. “Go to places where you don’t know the people, because that person’s name won’t be in the dialogue. This also frees you up to start recreating yourself.”

Working out the anger
   
“It’s really important to have an angry time,” says Urquhart. “If you’re a runner, go running. Get out and hit the boxing bag. That’s a non-harmful way of getting the anger out. But also be aware of how long you’re carrying that anger. There’s nothing worse than when someone is five years out of a relationship and they’re still bitter. People can smell that a mile away, and that will hurt your next opportunity to meet somebody.”


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Police seek mother of slain 11-year-old on involuntary…

Police are seeking the mother of an 11-year-old girl who was accidentally shot to death by her 2-year-old brother two weeks ago on involuntary manslaughter…

Local

Chestnut Hill College student found dead Wednesday morning

A 22-year-0ld Chestnut Hill College student was found dead this morning inside a college dormitory, police said.

International

Nearly 300 missing after South Korean ferry capsizes

Almost 300 people were missing after a ferry capsized off South Korea Wednesday, in what could be the country's biggest maritime disaster in over 20 years.

News

Explosions in new Boston Marathon bomb panic, 'twisted'…

A fresh Boston Marathon terror alert, which caused Bomb Squad officers to order an evacuation while two controlled explosions were carried out, was today being…

Television

Jim Rash talks 'The Writer's Room' and amazing…

For Jim Rash, as the fifth season of "Community" comes to a close, the second season of "The Writer's Room" begins.

Books

Poems from prison: 'How to Survive a Bullet…

Celebrate National Poetry Month with, "'How to Survive a Bullet to the Heart."

Movies

Review: 'Heaven is for Real' tries to be…

The mega-bestseller "Heaven is for Real" becomes a movie that tries to portray wrestling with faith — or at least it tries to try.

Television

TV watch list, Wednesday, April 16: 'The Americans,'…

'The Americans' Philip and Elizabeth face "painful turns" in their missions. Maybe next week they'll have a nice easy mission with no moral ambiguity? Probably…

U.S. Soccer

Andrew Wenger has big shoes to fill on…

Lancaster County native Andrew Wenger will feel pressure to fill the shoes of departer forward Jack McInerney.

NBA

NBA Power Rankings: Are the Spurs frauds? Could…

NBA Power Rankings: Are the Spurs frauds? Could the Mavericks surprise?

NBA

Sixers, Michael Carter-Williams give fans a happy ending…

The 2013-14 season for the 76ers has nearly come to a close.

NHL

Flyers must make Rangers feel their presence

Perhaps it’s the proximity of the two biggest cities in the East, because whenever these two square off the intensity seems to rise.

Home

Steal home decorating tips from stylist and creator…

We hit her up for some space-conscious, budget-friendly design tips.

Food

Wahlbergs expanding Wahlburgers fast food joint across North…

Wahlburgers will open new restaurants in Boston, Toronto and Philadelphia.

Wellbeing

Could a facelift give you the edge at…

It's not just women lining up for procedures.

Home

How to plant a garden in the city

Small on space but big on gardening? You can still have that welcoming oasis of fresh air with an urban garden. Peter Smith, owner of…