Does it matter who initiates sex?

Martinez and Berry

Recently engaged Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez are still in the midst of their romance, so the question of who makes the first move toward sex is probably a nonissue for now. But give it a little time. Sometimes all it takes is one rejection for people to start keeping score of who initiated and when. The big question is, how much does it matter?

For many people, that first overture toward intimacy holds a lot of meaning because it is proof of your partner’s love and your desirability. When that person don’t make a move, it can leave you feeling unwanted and asking: Is it me? Because this could lead to your getting angry or sensitive, you might decide to hold back from initiating making love yourself. Before you know it, you can be in a sexual standoff.

Don’t take it personally. There are many possible reasons your partner isn’t in the mood that have absolutely nothing to do with you: Maybe he or she had a hard day at work; maybe he or she is feeling pressure from a family member, whether it is a young child or an elderly parent; maybe he or she really does have a headache. And don’t forget about that heavy dinner you just had. If you want some clarity, be direct and ask your partner if something is bothering him or her.

It is most important to be true to yourself and your own desires. Even if your partner doesn’t appear interested, it is always worth reaching out. You can still be in the mood even if you partner isn’t — sometimes one person’s desire can ignite another’s. Even if sparks don’t fly that night, take it as an opportunity to plan another time for a sexual romp — tomorrow morning, perhaps? And keep in mind that it does not mean your lover doesn’t want to do it with you ever — just not that night. If you can toughen your emotional skin, you can better enjoy the skin you’re in.

Sex is a give and take. If you are open to sharing the role of who makes it happen, you are likely to have much more sexual intimacy in your relationship — no matter how long you’ve been together. 

– Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is the creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Train selfie star who got kicked in the…

  A 22-year-old Canadian man who posted a video of himself getting kicked in the head by a train conductor is set to cash in…

National

Call of Duty hoaxer blamed for $100K SWAT…

A heavilly-armed SWAT team and an army of police officers stormed a Long Island home fearing a grisly double homicide – only to find it…

National

Minnie Driver tweets naked celebrity snap to 'shut…

Actress Minnie Driver has responded to bitchy critics who sniped about her bikini body by Tweeting a naked picture of herself. The 44-year-old star of…

National

American middle classes no longer world's richest (guess…

America's middle classes are no longer the richest in the world – having been overtaken in the wealth stakes by their Canadian counterparts. For almost…

The Word

Lupita Nyong'o is People's Most Beautiful

Congratulations to Lupita Nyong'o, officially the most beautiful human on the face of planet Earth (2014 season).

Television

John Turturro tags in for Robert De Niro…

The cast of the courtroom drama miniseries has undergone yet another shift. Following Robert De Niro's exit, the cable network has brought in John Turturro…

Television

TV watch list, Tuesday, April 22: 'Glee,' 'Agents…

'Glee' Rachel makes her Broadway debut in "Funny Girl." Remember when she was just a high school drama nerd? FOX, 8PM 'Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.'…

The Word

Lindsay Lohan's big, drunk interview

Lindsay Lohan appears to be completely off the wagon now, if Kode magazine's chronicle of her trip to Coachella is any indication. According to the…

MLB

MLB Power Rankings: Brewers best in baseball, Dodgers,…

MLB Power Rankings: Brewers best in baseball, Dodgers, Cardinals, Yankees surge. The A's, Braves, Rangers, Giants and Rockies are also in the top 10.

NBA

Breaking down the Sixers top draft options

With the NBA Playoffs now in full force, there’s only one thing on the mind of Sixers fans at the moment -- the 2014 NBA Draft Lottery.

MLB

Metro one-on-one: Q&A with Phillies centerfielder Ben Revere

Charlie Manuel used to say that the Phillies go as Jimmy Rollins goes. Well, Ryne Sandberg might have a new Phillies catalyst, Ben Revere, in his midst.

Sports

2014 Boston Marathon results: American Meb Keflezighi wins…

2014 Boston Marathon results: American Meb Keflezighi wins men's race

Wellbeing

How to burn off all that Easter candy

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but you can't eat chocolate eggs and Jelly Bellys forever.

Food

Powdered alcohol: 5 things to know about 'Palcohol'

What's the deal with powdered alcohol? Here's what you need to know about Palcohol.

Travel

Travel hacks: 6 tips on living out of…

Lynne Martin shares her travel hacks on living out of just two suitcases.

Wellbeing

Tough Mudder pro gives tips on conquering a…

Learn hacks from head designer Nolan Kombol.