Ensure you’re on the same page in your relationship

Bachelorette Emily Maynard had to deny many suitors before passing out her final rose to fiance Jef Holm. 
.

Not all roads to romance offer a clear ride. Sometimes the signs are harder to read than others. As Emily Maynard, this season’s Bachelorette, handed out roses, the message was pretty clear: stay or go. But short of gathering for the ABC show’s famous rose ceremony, is it possible to miss the message? Might an important lane shift have taken place that you somehow didn’t notice? And what can you do to protect yourself against the turbulence of an unexpectedly bumpy ride?

Take for example, Lucy, who came to me for advice. She was dating a guy named Adam with the usual excitement and reservation that comes at the start of any promising possibility. But Adam took off, gaining speed faster than she expected: telling her how much he liked her, wanting her to meet his friends, calling and texting all the time. Since she liked him too, she joined in and went along for the ride. Before she knew it, though, she was ahead of him, and he had slowed down, suddenly saying he couldn’t keep up with her expectations. Because he continued to stay connected, she didn’t realize what that might mean. So she kept going at the same momentum. And then she didn’t hear from him. That was two weeks ago.

She was angry, and didn’t understand what had happened. How can you make sure you don’t get ahead of the relationship, particularly if one person is coming on strong? Before you let yourself go full-steam ahead, you might want to build in a few speed bumps for yourself. There are some people who jump into a relationship fast, and then want out fast, and you want to protect yourself from getting too attached if there is the chance that person could burn out.

You can do that by being aware of when and how much of your feelings you share. If they say they like you, you can reciprocate with an, “I like you too, let’s see where this goes.” If they want you to meet their friends, suggest you get to know each other a little better first. Build a foundation under the two of you before getting carried away.

When Adam told Lucy he couldn’t keep up with her, it was the equivalent of the Bachelorette’s not offering a rose. It just took her a little while to realize it, and by then she was halfway down the highway and looking forward to the road trip. Once you’re there, it’s harder to come back.

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is the creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.

Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author, or any opinions expressed on its pages.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
News

OMG! Exercise can make skin (and butt) look…

A moderate exercise regime can turn back time and actually reverse the skin's aging process, according to new research. The study showed that a minimum…

News

Mets mascot Mr. Met target of Bill Clinton…

Mets mascot Mr. Met has told how he ended up in the crosshairs of a Secret Service sniper rifle. The man behind the Mr. Met…

Local

Oval oasis: Summer of fun kicks off this…

A bold partnership between the Fairmount Park Conservancy and the city's Parks and Recreation Department is kicking off this weekend with family activities re-activating this unused public space.

Local

African couple claiming misidentification in robbery case to…

At a bail hearing today for Vickson and Lorfu Korlewala, charged in the robbery of an 80-year-old woman, bail was reduced from $1 million total to $500,000.

Television

'Scandal' recap: Season 3, Episode 18, 'The Price…

Sally is Jesus, Olivia caused global warming, and Mellie's still drunk. Let's recap the Scandal finale. A church full of Washington insiders is about to…

Movies

Review: 'Transcendence' is not stupid but sometimes lacks…

The cyberthriller "Transcendence" explores artificial intelligence, nanotechnology and other ethical quandaries, but has too much ambition, if anything.

Television

Dick Wolf to bring fictionalized world of 'Law…

A&E has ordered a pilot called "D.O.A." from "Law and Order" mastermind Dick Wolf that will focus on real detectives reexamining cold cases. A trio…

Television

Shane West talks WGN America's 'Salem'

The actor on history lessons, a new network and showing his butt.

NHL

Rangers draw first blood against Flyers in Game…

Brad Richards and Derek Stepan scored power-play goals 47 seconds apart to lead the Rangers to a 4-1 win.

MLB

Jimmy Rollins is key to Phillies success

When John Kruk was asked about what the Phillies need to contend for a playoff berth, the ESPN analyst said Jimmy Rollins needs to play like a MVP again.

MLB

Ben Revere lifts Phillies to avoid sweep

Ben Revere came through with a two-out RBI single against Atlanta’s tough lefthander Alex Wood.

NBA

Season wrap: 76ers make the grade

The 76ers opened the 2013-14 season with a victory over the Miami Heat. The Sixers closed the season with a win at Miami.

Style

Light-up nail art syncs with phone

This Japanese technology syncs light-up nail art with your phone.

Wellbeing

Why is dance cardio taking off in NYC?

Instructors at some of the city's hottest classes explain why.

Travel

Earth Day travel in the Florida Keys

See why this eco-friendly destination deserves your attention.

Tech

Sorry, Facebook — FarmVille goes mobile with 'Country…

Zynga has released a version of the hit "FarmVille" tailored for smartphones and tablets in the hope of reaping a bumper crop of players.