Tories’ noses may be a little out of joint

The Liberal Party has gone to pot — and I like it.

The Grits, their popularity up in smoke, have decided to nip the problem in the bud by legalizing marijuana.

There. Now that I’ve got every marijuana pun out of the way, I can say that the Liberals’ recent decision to add pot decriminalization to its platform is a rare instance when political expediency collides with common sense.

Yeah, the Liberals are Canada’s longest- running situation comedy, and need to do something to win back their dwindling audience. But if that desperation leads to an actual common-sense revolution where the War on Drugs is seen as Reefer Madness, then smoke ’em if you got ’em, because I’m in.

I don’t even like pot — the smell makes me queasy — but I know the decades-long battle to teach kids about the dangers of drugs is a colossal failure. How? Because I was a kid.

When I was young, all the Nancy Reagan, very-special-Blossom, this-is-your-brain-on-drugs propaganda led me to believe that smoking a joint was on par, health-wise, with enjoying a glass of anti-freeze.

Then I got to junior high and noted with interest that pot-smoking classmates appeared to be fine, save for an apparent inability to comb their hair.

At this point the War on Drugs was useless, because I no longer trusted anything else I had “learned.” To this day I have no idea what the relative danger of, say, cocaine actually is. (If it were as dangerous as I was told, you’d notice the crowd thinning over the course of the Oscars.)

Drug education is a lot like those sex-ed classes where they never let on that sex might feel as good as a satisfying sneeze. As you watch a different teacher each year awkwardly describe sex as if it were Basic Tent Assembly, it finally dawns on you: “They’re holding back on something amazing.”

With both sex and drugs, the powers-that-be are withholding the full truth from kids when they need adults’ guidance most. That’s nothing short of irresponsible.

So, if any kids are reading this, tell your friends: Criminal charges aside, pot looks kind of fun.

I’ve seen angry, puking, bawling alcohol drinkers pretty much every week of my life, but in my experience the predominant symptom among pot smokers is a good-natured sleepiness. Do we really need the government’s War on Naps?

And let’s not forget that the Conservatives are planning to make our marijuana laws even tougher. On the slim chance that they ask you if you agree with their approach, remember your training, kids.

Just say no. 



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Judge holds Amber Hellesten for trial on murder…

Amber Hellesten turns 16 next Wednesday, April 30. It could be her first of many birthdays behind bars.

National

University of New Mexico running back arrested for…

By Joseph J. KolbALBUQUERQUE, New Mexico (Reuters) - A University of New Mexico football player has been arrested on suspicion of raping and kidnapping a…

National

Teen who stowed away on flight to Hawaii…

By Alex Dobuzinskis(Reuters) - A teenage boy who stowed away on a flight from California to Hawaii in the frozen, oxygen-deprived wheel well of a…

Money

Investing is easier than you think

Easy investing: Everything you need to know about investing, you already do.

Television

John Turturro tags in for Robert De Niro…

The cast of the courtroom drama miniseries has undergone yet another shift. Following Robert De Niro's exit, the cable network has brought in John Turturro…

Television

TV watch list, Tuesday, April 22: 'Glee,' 'Agents…

'Glee' Rachel makes her Broadway debut in "Funny Girl." Remember when she was just a high school drama nerd? FOX, 8PM 'Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.'…

The Word

Lindsay Lohan's big, drunk interview

Lindsay Lohan appears to be completely off the wagon now, if Kode magazine's chronicle of her trip to Coachella is any indication. According to the…

The Word

What we learned from the premiere of 'True…

Does watching someone's marriage implode make for great TV? The show runners at "True Tori" think Tori Spelling's heartbreak is hot stuff indeed.

NHL

Lundqvist, Rangers take control as Flyers falter in…

Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist turned away 31 Flyers shots to give the Blueshirts the series edge with a 4-1 victory Tuesday nigh

MLB

MLB Power Rankings: Brewers best in baseball, Dodgers,…

MLB Power Rankings: Brewers best in baseball, Dodgers, Cardinals, Yankees surge. The A's, Braves, Rangers, Giants and Rockies are also in the top 10.

MLB

Metro one-on-one: Q&A with Phillies centerfielder Ben Revere

Charlie Manuel used to say that the Phillies go as Jimmy Rollins goes. Well, Ryne Sandberg might have a new Phillies catalyst, Ben Revere, in his midst.

NBA

Breaking down the Sixers top draft options

With the NBA Playoffs now in full force, there’s only one thing on the mind of Sixers fans at the moment -- the 2014 NBA Draft Lottery.

Wellbeing

How to burn off all that Easter candy

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but you can't eat chocolate eggs and Jelly Bellys forever.

Food

Powdered alcohol: 5 things to know about 'Palcohol'

What's the deal with powdered alcohol? Here's what you need to know about Palcohol.

Travel

Travel hacks: 6 tips on living out of…

Lynne Martin shares her travel hacks on living out of just two suitcases.

Wellbeing

Tough Mudder pro gives tips on conquering a…

Learn hacks from head designer Nolan Kombol.