Tories’ noses may be a little out of joint

The Liberal Party has gone to pot — and I like it.

The Grits, their popularity up in smoke, have decided to nip the problem in the bud by legalizing marijuana.

There. Now that I’ve got every marijuana pun out of the way, I can say that the Liberals’ recent decision to add pot decriminalization to its platform is a rare instance when political expediency collides with common sense.

Yeah, the Liberals are Canada’s longest- running situation comedy, and need to do something to win back their dwindling audience. But if that desperation leads to an actual common-sense revolution where the War on Drugs is seen as Reefer Madness, then smoke ’em if you got ’em, because I’m in.

I don’t even like pot — the smell makes me queasy — but I know the decades-long battle to teach kids about the dangers of drugs is a colossal failure. How? Because I was a kid.

When I was young, all the Nancy Reagan, very-special-Blossom, this-is-your-brain-on-drugs propaganda led me to believe that smoking a joint was on par, health-wise, with enjoying a glass of anti-freeze.

Then I got to junior high and noted with interest that pot-smoking classmates appeared to be fine, save for an apparent inability to comb their hair.

At this point the War on Drugs was useless, because I no longer trusted anything else I had “learned.” To this day I have no idea what the relative danger of, say, cocaine actually is. (If it were as dangerous as I was told, you’d notice the crowd thinning over the course of the Oscars.)

Drug education is a lot like those sex-ed classes where they never let on that sex might feel as good as a satisfying sneeze. As you watch a different teacher each year awkwardly describe sex as if it were Basic Tent Assembly, it finally dawns on you: “They’re holding back on something amazing.”

With both sex and drugs, the powers-that-be are withholding the full truth from kids when they need adults’ guidance most. That’s nothing short of irresponsible.

So, if any kids are reading this, tell your friends: Criminal charges aside, pot looks kind of fun.

I’ve seen angry, puking, bawling alcohol drinkers pretty much every week of my life, but in my experience the predominant symptom among pot smokers is a good-natured sleepiness. Do we really need the government’s War on Naps?

And let’s not forget that the Conservatives are planning to make our marijuana laws even tougher. On the slim chance that they ask you if you agree with their approach, remember your training, kids.

Just say no. 



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

New statue of Penn State's Paterno set for…

By David DeKokHARRISBURG, Pennsylvania (Reuters) - Fundraising for a new statue depicting Joe Paterno "as the man he was and not Joe the football coach"…

National

On newly released tape, 'Squeaky' Fromme says was…

Manson Family member Squeaky Fromme told a mental health examiner in newly released interview the "X" she carved in her forehead was meant to separate her from "the system."

Local

New York-based Century 21 store coming to The…

The former Strawbridge & Clothier building will once again host a department store. City officials on Thursday announced New York-based Century 21 Department Stores will…

National

Electric Zoo tickets on sale Tuesday as festival…

Electric Zoo tickets go on sale Tuesday. The festival announced plans to amp up security after two attendees died last year from apparent drug overdoses.

Music

Championship of Collegiate a Cappella: Students who are…

Tickets to this Saturday’s International Championship of Collegiate a Cappella reportedly sold out within 11 hours of going on sale.

Music

M.I.A. talks 'Matangi,' divinity, spontaneity and holograms

"There’s pressure for me to become a theatrical production like 'Glee,' or something" says M.I.A., "It’s like, 'the pressure’s on, bitches.'"

Movies

Tribeca: 'Goodbye to All That' star Paul Schneider…

Paul Schneider talks about his new film "Goodbye to All That," not acting too much and how he'd rather indulge in simple pleasures than play the scene.

The Word

Taylor Swift battles paparazzi daily at Tribeca penthouse

We're entranced by these photos of poor Taylor Swift leaving her Tribeca apartment.

NBA

Jason Collins named to Time's 100 Most Influential…

Jason Collins was named to the list after coming out as the first openly gay player to appear in an NBA game.

MLB

The return of Cole Hamels brings optimism

Cole Hamels’ quality start Wednesday was a nice change of pace from his recent season debuts.

MLB

Tony Gwynn Jr. a nice surprise for Phillies

Tony Gwynn Jr. has been a plus in every way for the Phillies.

NFL

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24…

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24 version

Food

Hai Street Kitchen opening in Rittenhouse May 22

Japanese cuisine will get a Chipotle-style twist at Hai Street Kitchen & Co., a new casual, quick-food restaurant opening near Rittenhouse Square on May 22.…

Parenting

New study: Inside the wage gap between boys…

According to a new study, there's a wage gap between boys and girls, with boys earning more allowance for less chores.

Tech

From Apple TV to Fire TV, big changes…

Apple is set to launch a new generation of it's Apple TV, which grossed over $1 billion in 2013. But competition from Amazon and Google looms.

Style

Katy Perry releases a new Claire’s collection

Katy Perry expands her empire by releasing an accessories collection at Claire's.