Tories’ noses may be a little out of joint

The Liberal Party has gone to pot — and I like it.

The Grits, their popularity up in smoke, have decided to nip the problem in the bud by legalizing marijuana.

There. Now that I’ve got every marijuana pun out of the way, I can say that the Liberals’ recent decision to add pot decriminalization to its platform is a rare instance when political expediency collides with common sense.

Yeah, the Liberals are Canada’s longest- running situation comedy, and need to do something to win back their dwindling audience. But if that desperation leads to an actual common-sense revolution where the War on Drugs is seen as Reefer Madness, then smoke ’em if you got ’em, because I’m in.

I don’t even like pot — the smell makes me queasy — but I know the decades-long battle to teach kids about the dangers of drugs is a colossal failure. How? Because I was a kid.

When I was young, all the Nancy Reagan, very-special-Blossom, this-is-your-brain-on-drugs propaganda led me to believe that smoking a joint was on par, health-wise, with enjoying a glass of anti-freeze.

Then I got to junior high and noted with interest that pot-smoking classmates appeared to be fine, save for an apparent inability to comb their hair.

At this point the War on Drugs was useless, because I no longer trusted anything else I had “learned.” To this day I have no idea what the relative danger of, say, cocaine actually is. (If it were as dangerous as I was told, you’d notice the crowd thinning over the course of the Oscars.)

Drug education is a lot like those sex-ed classes where they never let on that sex might feel as good as a satisfying sneeze. As you watch a different teacher each year awkwardly describe sex as if it were Basic Tent Assembly, it finally dawns on you: “They’re holding back on something amazing.”

With both sex and drugs, the powers-that-be are withholding the full truth from kids when they need adults’ guidance most. That’s nothing short of irresponsible.

So, if any kids are reading this, tell your friends: Criminal charges aside, pot looks kind of fun.

I’ve seen angry, puking, bawling alcohol drinkers pretty much every week of my life, but in my experience the predominant symptom among pot smokers is a good-natured sleepiness. Do we really need the government’s War on Naps?

And let’s not forget that the Conservatives are planning to make our marijuana laws even tougher. On the slim chance that they ask you if you agree with their approach, remember your training, kids.

Just say no. 



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