Props to Chipper Jones for giving us all a lesson on how to properly retire.

1. Accept gifts, many gifts, from colleagues for five straight months.

2. Use that final burst of energy in the tank to kick ass at your job so much so that everyone will be begging you to return whenever things go poorly over the next five years. You know you won’t come back … but it’s nice to feel wanted.

3. Tell off that blowhard that everyone else in the office (Major League Baseball) hates.

Jones completed the trifecta this week when he responded to former Orioles, Astros, Phillies, Diamondbacks and Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling’s notion that Jones would come back for another season.

Atlanta’s 790 The Zone: Curt Schilling has thrown out the concept of you coming back to not only play, but play for an American League team. Your thoughts on conversations like that?

Chipper: Well I am sure Curt Schilling being the shock jock that he is probably trying to stir up some interest for ESPN and raise the question, but as I said so many times I got four boys at home. I made promises to them that daddy is done playing baseball. After this year we are going on vacations. We are going to go on summer vacations and I am just not willing to go back on that promise. My agent made it very clear to me in spring training that this is something you cannot go back on. Be sure of it when you make the announcement and I am not ready to do that. I made my decision and I thoroughly expect to have a good season this year, but once our last game is played I am ready to start the next chapter in my life.

Schilling is having one rough summer, in case you haven’t heard. His video game company, 38 Studios, went under. The state of Rhode Island despises him for swindling money out of its government to finance said company. And because of all this, Schilling admitted to WEEI radio a few weeks ago that he is broke.

Those checks from Bristol certainly don’t look as large when you know how quickly $75 million can go down the tubes. In other Schilling/blowhard news, he called the Governor of Rhode Island a “dunce of epic proportions” yesterday. Weigh in at any time, Chipper.

Dirty Bob Kraft back on the prowl

We know Patriots owner Bob Kraft likes ’em young, but c’mon Bob, poor Aly Raisman is 18.

After appearing with 32-year-old actress Ricki Noel Lander in a hilarious video (that unfortunately keeps getting pulled from YouTube) in July, Kraft followed it up by schmoozing with Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari in his suite at Gillette Stadium during the first Patriots preseason game against New Orleans.

Now, if you’re looking to improve your public image after a somewhat embarrassing situation, hanging out with John Calipari (he of the vanquished Final Four appearances) right out of the gate probably isn’t the best idea.

Thankfully Kraft showed he still has a public relations team when he trotted out New England’s sweetheart last night against the Eagles. No confirmation on whether or not he was leaning in for the patented, awkward Bob Kraft cheek kiss there at the end.