Green: Sorting through the stupid

After the Mitchell report came out last week, scores of opinions flooded the airwaves and Internet. Unsurprisingly, there have been many reactions to this 409-page Congressional report that are simply, for lack of a more delicate word, stupid. And you, the public, have a right to know how stupid. In no particular order, here are the most egregiously stupid responses to the Mitchell Report:

1) “Who cares? Steroids should be legal.” Steroids are powerful drugs that can cause serious health and emotional problems, and allowing their use would effectively be the same as requiring it. Athletes are human beings with families. Enough said.

2) “You can’t believe the testimony of people like Kirk Radomski who are facing prison time.” Follow this logic to its natural conclusion, and you’d have to completely revamp our legal system and free hundreds, if not thousands, of convicted felons. Which is fine, but I don’t think that’s the goal these skeptics were going for.

3) “Just because someone bought steroids doesn’t mean they used them.” I would love to meet the people who believe this in person, as I have a bridge I’ve been trying to sell for ages.

4) “Not Roger Clemens! Never!” The only difference between Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds is the color of their skin. We are now obligated to either forgive Bonds or condemn Clemens.

5) “Why name names? What purpose does that serve?” This would have seemed less stupid if anyone had said it before the names were actually named. But, now, I can only conclude that these people are Roger Clemens apologists.

6)  “This report barely tells us anything we didn’t already know.” Considering that Selig only commissioned this report to cover his own derriere, it’s a credit to Mitchell that he managed to do so much with so little leverage — and he’s lucky the BALCO trial uncovered Radomski.

7) “Aha! The Yankees really ARE evil!” This may be true, but the only reason some of our most beloved Red Sox heroes weren’t on that list is either a) they weren’t afraid of needles so didn’t ask random people to inject them in the buttocks or b) they bought their drugs from someone else.

8) “George Mitchell is biased — he’s covering up for the Red Sox.” By appointing Mitchell, who is a director in the Sox organization, Selig opened up a conflict-of-interest can of worms. Yet, Mitchell is the guy who brought peace to Northern Ireland, so I’m inclined to trust his bona fides. As for why there aren’t more members of the Red Sox in the report, see No. 7.

Baseball fans, beware. These spurious arguments have been floating around masquerading as legitimate points. Sure, everyone’s entitled to their opinions. But when those opinions are stupid, we have the right to tell them so.

Sarah Green is a freelance writer who can be reached at  .