Brady forever doomed

 

 

Since they got hitched last week, let’s relive the long strange journey of New England Patriots pretty boy Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele, shall we?

After meeting two years ago, the couple was quickly engulfed by a cloud of controversy — three-time Super Bowl winner starts dating supermodel, then shortly thereafter, his ex-girlfriend/actress reveals she’s pregnant with his kid! It was the type of tabloid fodder that officially put Brady on the national map. Your non-sportsfan mother suddenly knew his name and casually dropped it one day on the phone, “Can you believe Tom Brady did that?”

Then the Patriots collapsed in Indy, starting a disastrous three-year struggle for Brady to win a fourth Super Bowl. (Don’t act like you don’t believe the curse of the celebrity girlfriend — Brady then lost the Super Bowl as a heavy favorite and broke an ankle in the first game last season.)

Gisele reigned in his partying ways — we heard stories that prior to settling down, Brady, previously known as “The Body,” would fly down to South Beach on Sunday nights to party Charles Barkley style.

And the next athlete to get married will be: occasionally-impressive tennis player Andy Roddick (currently No. 6 in ATP rankings) to 21-year-old Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker. They’re supposed to tie the knot in the next month or two, maybe in Roddick’s hometown, Austin, Texas.

Now onto someone who has been divorced: Alyssa Milano — entrepreneur, Los Angeles Dodgers season ticket holder and actress (though it’s all been pretty pedestrian since her star-making turn as Samantha Micelli on “Who’s the Boss?”) — is coming out with a new baseball-centric book.

Milano glosses over all the baseball players she’s dated, but she actually spends more time talking about how proud she is that she can calculate a pitcher’s WHIP. Sad.

“Carl Pavano, Yes. Tom Glavine, No. Barry Zito, Yes. Josh Beckett, God, no (although I do think he is an amazing pitcher). Brad Penny, Yes. Russell Martin, No.”

There you have it. She’s confessed to being the significant other for two pitchers who received insanely generous contracts and never came remotely close to living up to them.

As for Brad Penny … we’ll let the cultural anthropologists sort that one out. Penny, an avid hunter, somewhat chubby pitcher, who seems destined to overtake David Wells as the fattest pitcher of all time, dated Alyssa Milano and Eliza Dushku? Confounding.
 

Jason Raj McIntyre covers athletes away from the field of play and runs the popular Web site The Big Lead. He would be willing to pack on the pounds for a crack at Alyssa Milano.

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