Thembi Ford

NYers say the darndest things

I spent most of my adult years in New York, so now that I’m back in Philly I can see it through the eyes of visitors. Something funky happens to New Yorkers when they visit Philadelphia.

Otherwise rational people ask a standard set of inane questions: “What is a hoagie?” “Which is better, Pat’s or Geno’s?” and “You put mustard on pretzels?” My dear, ridiculous friends have even asked “Are there people here who don’t speak English?” “Does Philly have more than one free library?” and “What is the major factory here that most people work for?” Newsflash: There are cities smaller than New York but bigger than the small town from the movie “Footloose.” That old New Yorker hubris — the idea is that there’s New York and then there’s every place else — makes New Yorkers say the darndest things.

The typical visitor’s favorite phrase is the obnoxious “if we were in New York _________,” the blank being anything from how long it would take to hail a cab to how many diners stay open after 2 a.m. People from New York come here for a recession-proof night of Jim Beam shots and PBR, but end up passively reinforcing how perfect their corner of the world is when compared to ours. They deeply believe that Philadelphia, just like everywhere else in the world, is not New York, but it wishes it could be.

Having lived in both places, I legitimately prefer Philadelphia to the overpriced, overhyped and underwelcoming metropolis of New York — I’d just never tell a New Yorker that, because I know that such trash-talking would be rude. Therein lies the main difference between New York pride and Philly pride: Most Philadelphians understand that telling a native their city stinks is the Northeast Corridor’s equivalent of “yo’ momma.” New Yorkers, meanwhile, just think that they’re in the know and we need to accept reality. We’re both equally blind to the truth, but it takes living in a city with more personality than mass to appreciate how many things Philly can do like no place else.

So the next time a New Yorker asks you to rate “Pat’s and Geno’s” just tell them that any steak in Philly is better than any steak you’ll get in New York. In fact, it’s better than any steak anywhere.

Thembi Ford is a local writer and blogs at whatwouldthembido.com.

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