I love my husband, but ...

 

 

My husband leaves for work every morning smelling wonderfully and dressed impeccably after his long, relaxing shower while I scramble to get everyone dressed, pack lunches, make breakfast and get teeth brushed.

I watch from the living room as I play bouncy ball with our baby and somewhere in my gut, for about five minutes, I just can’t stand him. Then it’s over. I admit it … maybe I am a little jealous.

When he leaves and the door slams behind him I feel he has checked out for the day and I am alone in “kiddyland.” Is it okay to be jealous of your husband? I don’t know what I want from him:

to ask me about the diaper changes? To ask me about how I got the children to school in the downpour? Or even to ask if the kids ate their peas?

As a career-driven woman, I have always worked. We recently welcomed our third child, and I am now a stay-at-home mom. It is temporary, I tell myself. I hope that I will find another job in this economy. Truth is, I am not sure what I want.

I’m conflicted: I want to be there at my son’s school for pickup and I want to take my daughter to ballet and watch her twirl. I want to see the milestones with our baby. Yet, I really miss my career, feeling taller (in my heels) and more accomplished everyday.

Then after dinnertime, my husband walks back in the door. I can’t wait for this moment; this is when I can go off duty, turn on the news and catch the headlines so I can have a decent conversation with him about the world. Then after my brief break, I am back on mom duty for bedtime routines. At last, after everyone is tucked in, I can finally close my eyes and fall fast asleep to know that in six hours (if our baby sleeps through the night) I will wake again to a new day that I am blessed for. But, most likely, I will be jealous of my husband when he walks out the door.

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