Remember that campfire story about the babysitter and the creepy clown statue that’s actually a murderer pretending to be a clown statue? 

Well, the real life version of that now exists in the form of a Boston man who for $100 an hour will pretend to be an Elf on the Shelf doll for your next holiday party or mass murder.

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“For $100/hour I will come to your holiday party dressed as the Elf on the Shelf and sit in any location you assign me while I stare emptily at your guests for the duration of the event,” the man wrote in a Craigslist post. 

However, if you thought this man was a one trick pony, you would be wrong. According to the ad, though he may specialize in holiday parties he also offers “contracted private investigation and babysitting services.”

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If you want to hire him as your own real life creepy Elf on the Shelf, you better hurry! He claims that his services have been in high demand as of late. So much so that he “now [requires] at least 48 hours notice in advance of any bookings.”

A quick reverse image search of the photo proves that this image is not an original and has circulated around the web since as early as 2012. However, Metro reached out to the Craisglist poster in the hope that he used the photo in leiu of his own image. Our attempts at making contact with the would-be elf were unsuccessful as of Wednesday afternoon. 

Matt Lee is a Web producer for Metro New York. He writes about almost everything and anything. Talk to him (or yell at him) on Twitter so he doesn’t feel lonely @mattlee2669.