Self-styled dating expert Ben Ezra has written a book on how to land the woman of your dreams, and says he can help you go to stud from dud in seven easy steps.
There are already a number of books and TV shows that advertise the sort of thing you’re doing. What makes your approach different or revolutionary?
The main thing is the strong emphasis on self-development and the psychology behind the success. If you want to achieve anything in your life, your mind is where you have to start — not with the so-called “technique.” If anything, technique should be last.
So then, what’s one of the worst mistakes a guy can make in the initial stages of dating?
Calling without a plan. I used to be really nervous when I called a woman. I knew I was really interested but I would just call her and start talking to her about her life problems and her history and within one phone call I would have nothing left to talk about.
What about things like art, and politics, and current events? Those are things you could talk about, too.
You could, but it’s better not to stay on the phone too long. I think it’s best to interact face-to-face because a lot of people get comfortable just talking on the phone and at the end of the week your relationship is more on the phone than in real life.
I think the trouble many people have with these dating books and shows is they seem to advocate the objectification of women, or at the very least, reduce them to a target instead of a human being. What do you say to that sort of accusation?
I say that it’s correct in a lot of ways. I personally don’t even like to relate myself to these people and these so-called PUAs (pick-up artists) because I think a lot of them seem really sleazy and they give what I do a bad name.
So, do you advocate a sense of responsibility?
Oh, definitely. I put a disclaimer on the first page of my book, explaining to people that they should definitely not take advantage of this information.