On Tuesday night, celebrities gathered at Pier 36 in the Lower East Side to celebrate Planned Parenthood’s 100th birthday. And sure, the gala itself was a serious, uplifting affair, with the likes of Hillary Clinton and Meryl Streep taking on the present fight for reproductive freedom. But this is a gossip column. I’m here to offer you the goods.
Unfortunately, most celebrities rushed past without saying a word. I was most excited to see real life #WomanBoss Shonda Rhimes; but when I asked her if she was taking questions, she blinked at me in confusion and or terror and scurried away. Perhaps it was the new, natural deodorant I’ve been trying.
More celebrities came through. Julianne Moore looked like a beautiful, rich goth but she was not taking any questions. Scarlett Johansson brought her sister, Vanessa, and kept her mouth parted just so for all photographs. It gave her a look of slight shock and awe, which I guess is fine. Someone told Chelsea Handler she had nice skin, and she thanked them appropriately. She seemed bored and haughty which sounds about right.
Tina Fey almost welcomed questions, but then heard a reporter say the words “Donald” and “Trump,” said “Oh, nope,” then rushed away with her husband. It was a great opportunity to stand really close to her, though. She’s got a lovely figure!
It basically looked like all hope was lost, but America Ferrera — the most beautiful “Ugly Betty,” a character that will live on forever in my heart — was clearly passionate about the night’s cause. And more importantly, she was willing to talk about it. “It feels good to be celebrating something good,” she said. Practiced. But genuine.
“Women’s reproductive rights are being threatened and we know historically when women’s rights are threatened, it largely impacts the poorest of us. The most vulnerable of us. And particularly women of color. So to stand with Planned parenthood is to stand with the most vulnerable among us and help protect their rights… Those who stand to lose the most in this time need us to stand by them.”
She smiled, politely said thank you, and walked away. Damn, I thought to myself. That was deep. And then Padma Lakshimi — very tall, with the boobs of an angel — walked by, and offered something equally deep.
“Women’s health matters,” she said. “We all love beautiful women… but let’s care about their insides too.” YAS, Padma. Let’s.