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Gwyneth Paltrow says this $30 spray will help keep 'vampires' away

Psychic Vampire Repellent isn’t even the craziest thing you can buy on GOOP.
Gwyneth Paltrow Goop Vampire Spray
Photo: Getty Images

Now she’s just trolling us.

The latest product added to Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP empire is Psychic Vampire Repellent made by Paper Crane Apothecary. It’s exactly what it sounds like: A spray designed to keep vampires at bay — but not the blood-sucking kind.

"Is there a person in your life who seems to drain the life right out of you, yet you just can’t seem to get them out of your mind?” the explanation reads. “You, my friend, are dealing with a Psychic Vampire! Spray this mist around your aura to evict them from your head and create a shield that they will not be able to penetrate.”

The spray is made with “ruby, black tourmaline, aqua aura, pyrite, fluorite, ametrine, garnet, bloodstone, tiger’s eye, labradorite, nuummite and clear quartz” and “deeply aromatic therapeutic oils, reported to banish bad vibes.

Oh, and it’s made with “love” too — that’s actually the first ingredient on the label. You get all of that for the low, low price of $30.

We’d understand if you’d think they’re for real — after all, this is the same website that sold out of $66 jade eggs made for your “yoni” —  but this spray will only make those psychic vampires smell good, not go away.

GOOP isn’t even pretending it’s a real thing.

Gwyneth Paltrow Goop Vampire Spray

“We carried another product from the line and we received feedback from customers that they wanted us to carry more products from Paper Crane Apothecary, which is a small, independent purveyor,” the spokesperson told Business Insider, adding that it’s supposed to be “tongue-in-cheek.”

Paltrow needs all the cash she can get to expand her empire — she just launched a quarterly magazine in partnership with Hearst and is planning a “radical wellness show” where she’ll play investigative reporter.

“What we are thinking of doing is a TV show with the working title ‘The Radical Wellness Show,'” Paltrow told The Hollywood Reporter. “I would be going into the field and talking to any number of doctors, scientists, civilians, people in crisis in Flint, Michigan, where there is something to uncover and confront about wellness.”

 
 
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