New York’s most exciting reptilian adventure ever continues into its fifth day today, as Bronx Zoo officials report that they’re still not exactly sure where the zoo’s poisonous Egyptian cobra, missing since Friday, has slithered off to. (Though a look at the obligatory hilarious fake Twitter feed can’t hurt.)
In a statement released today, management didn’t sound as concerned about the situation as Metro would hope. As Bronx Zoo director Jim Breheny explained:
We understand the interest in this story and that everyone wants us to find the missing snake. Right now, it’s the snake’s game. At this point, it’s just like fishing; you put the hook in the water and wait. Our best strategy is patience, allowing her time to come out of hiding. We remain confident that the snake is contained within the Reptile House.
OK! That is not reassuring at all. Clearly, vigilance is needed! Some tips for avoiding this serpentine fugitive:
»According to Wikipedia, the Egyptian cobra “typically makes its home in dry to moist savanna and semi-desert regions with at least some water and vegetation.” The only savanna-ish places we can think of are Central Park and Prospect Park. Avoid them!
»”The cobra may also be found in oases, agricultural grounds, hills with sparse vegetation, and grasslands.” Avoid baseball fields, local watering holes and urban farming experiments. Also avoid Murray Hill, Clinton Hill, Lennox Hill, Vinegar Hill, Boerum Hill, Cobble Hill and Forest Hills.
»”These cobras are not afraid of humans and often enter houses.” Not reassuring! “They are attracted to the human villages by chickens and rats that are attracted by garbage.” Uh oh. Attracted to areas with rats? That’s the last straw. Time to panic! Everybody leave immediately, and don’t come back until this thing is found!