Many couples start strong in the romance department: frequent sex, spontaneity, candlelight. Then, things might shift. Maybe they have a child, or someone’s career gets moving, or priorities shift. Things enter a place of comfort and complacency—two killers of a romantic relationship. Sex becomes less frequent, no one shaves on the weekend, and a silent separation starts without them even knowing it. They are in the doldrums of love.
Enter a $100 or less cure for the Blahs: Lingerie.
I know, I know. I’m a guy, and what guy doesn’t love his girl strutting around wearing a half-lace, half-see-through something-or-other. (If I deny this then I’d be a liar.) However, it’s not all about men. In truth, lingerie is one of the most inexpensive—and often overlooked—ways of rekindling romance in the bedroom, for both men and women. She feels feminine, desirable, and wanted… and he is visually seduced.
Bras and G-strings, teddies and baby dolls, negligees, corsets and bustiers, and cosplay/roleplay clothing… lingerie can take on many meanings. From sexy to risque to kinky — it is completely based on the wants/needs of the couple.
But for men, the reasons range from primal to romantic. For some, feeling like she did something especially for him can be flattering, and lingerie offers him a glimpse (and only a teasing glimpse) of the woman he loves as only he sees her. And with all that daily life brings us, it can be challenging to keep that sense of newness and romance… and something sexy can be a welcome addition to the bedroom.
But it’s not just men who get a positive charge out of lingerie. As I’ve stated many times: women are women first, and wives/mothers/girlfriends second… and they want to keep and be seen for their femininity up-front-and-center… not as an afterthought. Some women wear something sexy under their everyday clothes to feel sexy throughout the day (as do some men… but that’s a subject for a different article). According to the women I’ve surveyed (500+ as of the time of this writing), it not only gives them more confidence, they feel more empowered. And wearing something sensual and revealing for an evening between the sheets can add to anticipation, and eliminate humdrumish feelings of work/kids/house/finances/etc.
Keep in mind, though, that lingerie can only serve as an extension of a couple’s sex life. If someone comes home with a gift you’re not into, you might need to guide things a little bit. You have to make sure your tastes match. (Example: Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.) A suggestion might be to go shopping for lingerie together. If you both end up in the dressing room—trying things on and taking them off—beware of salespeople and mall cops, as they may not be forgiving if you are found in flagrante delicto (don’t ask how I know this).
Real world tips:
For the guys: Flowers are sweet, but they are temporary. Candy is great, but the calories are a killer. Instead, head over to your local Victoria’s Secret. Ask for help if you need it. You’ll thank me later.
For the ladies: Head to the lingerie store and text your guy pictures from the dressing room*. Then he’ll get a sense of what you want, and you’ll start up the anticipation for later that evening, as well.
For the single ladies: Don’t lament that you don’t have a guy. Go shopping. Get yourself something sexy and provocative. Just because you don’t have someone to show it to currently doesn’t mean you don’t deserve lacy undergarments.
Charles J. Orlandois relationship expert and author of the bestselling book series “The Problem with Women… is Men®.” Find out more about Charles on hiswebsite, or visit him onFacebookfor real-world love advice.