Charles J. Orlando: 3 ways men screw up first dates

Relationships should be equal. But when it comes to dating — especially first dates — things are different. Dating is where men step up — with sincerity — and show their interest in someone.

5831509222_ec29deaaaf_z Credit: Guian Bolisay/Flickr

 

Relationships should be equal. But when it comes to dating — especially first dates — things are different. Dating is where men step up — with sincerity — and show their interest in someone. But some men either don’t know or don’t show that they understand or accept this concept: Equality or not, courtship is primal. She wants him to pursue, and he needs something to chase. Perhaps Mark Twain said it best: “In order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.”

 

Does that mean a man should put in all the effort to make a first date great? Hardly. She needs to do her part, but he should be leading the process. After interviewing and surveying 1,000 men and women about their first date experiences, here are the most common screw ups men make.

 

#1:“He used an old picture on his profile.” He might have looked great back in college, but that was 20 years ago. It's not that looks are everything, but they are a part of the courtship/evaluation process; there needs to be a mental and physical connection that will help lead to an emotional connection as you get to know each other.
What she wants: Honesty and sincerity. Maybe he needs to lose a few pounds or has imperfections here and there, but no one is perfect. She might not want to see all of him on Date #1, but she will eventually want to see it, so keeping things honest is of paramount importance.

 

#2:“He made the conversation all about him.” She wants to get to know him, and she also wants to share what makes her tick, but too often men (and women) get caught up in talking about their résumés, jobs, incomes and possessions. Not only is that not what makes up the person, it ends up a creating a one-way conversation, where you are talking about you instead of sharing and imparting information.
What she wants: Discussion that includes ideas, events, news, things he’s done, things he wants to do and things that hold his interest. Part of that will break the ice, and it will also show what he values, what he thinks and how he spends his time.

#3: “He answered calls and responded to texts at the table.” Phone calls and text messages in the presence of others is a kind of prioritization. If someone accepts calls or responds to messages, they are silently saying that those they are with are not as important as the messages they are receiving. The reality: Technology exists for our convenience, not our forced usage. And there’s nothing ruder than being in the company of others, but concentrating on other things and claiming it’s possible to ”multitask.”

What she wants: If something is urgent/important enough to pull him away, he should excuse himself and take the call or deal with the situation. Otherwise, he should be in the moment, and both should put their phones away.

Likes:

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Downs
Cee-Lo Green really screwed up this week. His definition of "rape" is shared by many people, and is part of the reason so many women are abused right under society's nose.

Ups

For couples to thrive in marriage, they need to share at least five times as many positive moments as negative ones, from inside jokes to daily notes. Start your love rituals and stay connected!

Charles J. Orlando is relationship expert and author of the bestselling book series “The Problem with Women… is Men®.” Find out more about Charles on hiswebsite, or visit him onFacebookfor real-world love advice.

 
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