Last week, we started our exploration of what women really want in the bedroom. Today, we continue with a discussion of the power of touch.
Make it all about her.
"Nothing better than a massage with slow circles on my back, and baby oil down my legs." —Yolanda K.
"I love when he will do anything to make me come. I'm not difficult, but that he wants it so bad is awesome!" —Fran U.
"Listening to what works and what doesn't is so great. I'm kinda complicated. He is patient and takes his time." —Donna J.
"I want him to look at me, directly into my eyes, especially as he puts it in. OMG." —Samantha D.
She wants to feel special. She wants to feel desired. And she might want to be spoiled, too. But let's remember that she is also allowing another human being inside her body, and that comes with a combination of comfort, submission, and trust.
Bottom line: Take the time to make things about her, and she will more that willingly reciprocate. A little extra goes a long way.
Go down… now and always.
"I love cunnilingus. Seriously. And if I get it first, it relaxes me SOOOO much and I come SOOOO hard. Then he can pretty much have his way with me." —Joanne S.
"Going down is a really personal act. If I let him, he is really 'in' with me." —Kat H.
"I like when he does it, but I like knowing that he wants to. That he wants to taste me is such a turn-on." —Anna G.
"I want his tongue on me, in me, circling me. Hang on. I have to go lol" —Consuela H.
About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone. That means if he’s not going down, there’s a good chance she’s not getting all she can out of the situation. If she allows him to put his tongue in the Holiest of Holies, he better not only value it, he needs to know what he's doing—which actually means: How does she like it, when, and how often.
Oral sex is a special level of intimacy. It creates a trust when you allow someone to experience your body so closely. And, that trust and allowance can provide for incredible physical and mental release and pleasure.
Bottom line: Go down. (What else is there to say?)
"Stop waiting for me to always take control. You want me? Come take me!” —Lona T.
"I need him to manhandle me a little bit. I want to feel him want me. Put me against the wall and pull my clothes off." —Gina D.
"I like [my boyfriend] forceful. I want my hands pinned back with him taking me.” —Shawn E.
"I like my hair pulled A LOT. I want to know he has control." —Kris R.
Once they let their guards down, a full 91% of respondents said it clearly: They wanted a man to take charge in the bedroom. This answer came from women in all walks of life: stay-at-home moms, power attorneys, women in their 20s, women in their 40s, emo girls, executives... it didn't matter. And the reason is simple: It's primal. Heterosexual women want to be afforded pleasure at the hands of a man who is confident, capable, and passionate. In essence, she wants to just let go. She wants to trust, release, and just be a woman... sexual, sensual, and feminine; to be trusting and hand control over to a man who will not use his "power" against her.
Bottom line: A woman wanting a man to take charge in the bedroom is the ultimate gift. It says that she trusts him with her. She is allowing him to take her. She wants a man who is confident, charming, alluring, captivating, mysterious and bad — all the while caring deeply for her integrity and self-respect by not thinking that the submission and control in the bedroom translates to "She's my bitch" in the real world.
Disclaimer: "Control" and "forceful" does not mean angry or violent. Before trying anything new/rough/forceful, discuss boundaries and limits with your partner.
Kiss her. Really kiss her.
"I want him to kiss me deeply. Slowly. I want to feel him love me and want me." ‘Marta L.
"Sometimes I need a nibble with my kisses. He needs to let me know he's into me." —Faith V.
"Kiss my lips! Kiss the inside of my thighs! Kiss my neck! Kiss my hand! And please... kiss me as you enter me when we are making love." —Michelle N.
"I like when he kisses me in public. I'm not one for PDAs, but to show everyone that he cares is really special." —Betty C.
Kissing is very intimate. It's a closeness that is personal, passionate, and communicates a variety of things—from the first kiss onward.
A simple kiss is often the initial gauge by which one might judge the success of a relationship. According to scientists who make their careers studying kissing (they are called osculologists), there's an enormous amount of neurotransmitters, evolutionary biology, and instant assessments of potential life-mates.
What she wants in a kiss: Start gently. Let your mouth wander as she allows, but pay attention to her responses. Light strokes on cheeks, neck, and back get extra points, as these areas are usually ignored (at least initially). At the beginning, a light caress is definitely recommended, and should give way to a harder touch and grip as kissing continues. Timing is everything. Start slowly, and stay slow enough to watch for signs that encourage more rapid movement and advances. Kiss her lips, cheeks, eyelids, and neck slowly until she makes it clear she can't handle another second without... more.
Let it build. Kiss her against the wall, kiss her leaning across the front seat of the car, kiss her in the shower... just kiss her. And — be sure to kiss something besides her mouth: nape of her neck, her ankles, her wrists. Slowly and sensually will unlock her passion.
Charles J. Orlando is relationship expert and author of the bestselling book series “The Problem with Women… is Men®.” Find out more about Charles on hiswebsite, or visit him onFacebookfor real-world love advice.