Dispatch from the future: What will Rex and Woody say at year-end presser? - Metro US

Dispatch from the future: What will Rex and Woody say at year-end presser?

Jets head coach Rex Ryan and owner Woody Johnson will address the media on Tuesday for the first time since the end of the season. What will be said and perhaps even more than that, what won’t be said, will the source of much scrutiny.

NFL policy holds that the head coach and a member of management must be made available within the week after the end of the season. The Jets originally planned to have Ryan available last Monday, but then removed him from the schedule. Ryan was spotted in the Bahamas, sporting a tattoo on his arm of a woman who appears to be his wife wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey. Yikes.

Now eight days after he was supposed to speak to the media, Ryan will get the chance to put his spin on a 6-10 season.

Metro New York takes a look at what we imagine Ryan and Johnson likely will say — tongue firmly in cheek:

1. On the future of Tony Sparano

The Jets offensive coordinator had a rough season, leading a unit that a season ago was No. 25 in the NFL in total offense and seeing them plummet to No. 30. With reports that quarterbacks coach Matt Cavanaugh has been let go, will Sparano be far behind?

What Rex will say: “I think everyone on the coaching staff will be examined and reviewed and stacked up against each other and all that jazz. That will happen with me, that will happen with Tony, that will happen with everyone and all that.”

What Woody will say: “We ran about as well as Mitt Romney. That’s unacceptable.”

2. On the future of Mark Sanchez

No one has been a bigger target of criticism the past two seasons than quarterback Mark Sanchez, who for the second time in his career threw more interceptions than touchdowns. Is he still the quarterback of the future?

What Rex will say: “Well, this is bigger than just one player. This falls on the offensive line giving Mark time, this falls on the receivers running the right routes, making the right catches and all that jazz. With that being said, do I think Mark has a future in this league? Yeah. Is it with us? I don’t know. I just hope that our next quarterback chooses to wear No. 6 because laser tattoo removal is a bear.”

What Woody will say: “We all believe in Mark, this much is true. He will have a role with this team, even if it means selling PSLs. That’s actually not a bad idea, because he can’t sell the play action.”

3. On the recovery of Darrelle Revis

Losing Darrelle Revis to injury in Week 3 was a huge blow to the Jets defense and the team as a whole. How will the injury to Revis impact his contract future with the Jets?

What Rex will say: “We all know Darrelle Revis is the most talented player on this team, maybe this league. I want him here long term with the Jets. He should retire as a Jet, be in the Ring of Honor and go to Canton as a Jet along with Muhammad Wilkerson and Quinton Coples.”

What Woody will say: [Grimaces, then does a face palm] “Have you ever heard about playing your cards to the chest? Might as well just offer him a massive pay raise now.”

4. On rumors of locker room discord

While it wasn’t as bad as last year, there’s been speculation around the team that not everyone is happy and that several players are more than eager to leave the team. Is there an issue in the Jets locker room?

What Rex will say: “That’s news to me.”

What Woody will say: “At least I’m not bailing a drunk player out of jail or watching my coaching staff trip opposing players during a game. Then again, the offseason is young.”

5. On the future of Tim Tebow

With much fanfare, the Jets traded for the most famous athlete in the United States last March. And then barely used him. Will Tebow be a Jet this year?

What Rex will say: “There’s no doubt that we didn’t use Tim as well as we could have. He’s a great athlete. That’s not to say that he’s a quarterback because he can be and I believe in him and all that jazz. But we didn’t use him right and there was no opportunity to use him in a Hail Mary this year either. Then again, he’s Protestant, so maybe he’d opt out of that too.”

What Woody will say: “It didn’t work out and he didn’t help us sell tickets either. Apparently, the tens of thousands of Christians in the tri-state area have something else to do on Sunday mornings.”

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