Look upon him and weep, all ye lesser men, for People has named Adam Levine 2013's Sexiest Man Alive. Channing Tatum, 2012's Sexiest Man Alive, is as dirt to us now.
The Maroon 5 singer has had plenty of chances to drum up votes in his campaign for the office: He's been kind of everywhere this year. He's a judge on "The Voice," he's shooting a movie with Keira Knightley called "Can a Song Save Your Life?" (is it a Maroon 5 song?) and he has a clothing line at Kmart. Serious question: Is it possible to shop at Kmart and buy a piece of clothing not designed by a celebrity? Every single one of them seems to have one.
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"As a musician, you have fantasies that you want to win Grammys, but I didn't really think that this was on the table," the singer told People. "I was just amazed and stunned and it almost seemed like they were kidding, but they weren't, so that's cool."
They could still be kidding! Maybe it's a long con. Adam comes in for his cover shoot and just as the shutter snaps, People dumps a bucket of pig's blood over his head. Run, Adam! It's a trap! They're all going to laugh at you! But don't use your telekinetic powers, People magazine's not worth it!