Fiona and Marie celebrate their victory with French 75 cocktails.
Credit: FX
This episode of “American Horror Story: Coven” opens in New Orleans in 1830. Delphine is not happy about moving to the city and she’s looking for inspiration — she misses Paris. She tries to force her daughter to chop off a chicken’s head as they prepare a meal but she can’t do it, so Delphine beheads the bird herself even though she is also inexperienced in this field. Her eyes light up at the sight of the blood.
She hears one of her male slaves screaming. He cut himself in the leg, deep, and Delphine comes over to “help” him. Instead, she knocks him out cold and then ties him up. Suddenly, she changes her mind about New Orleans. “I think I’m going to like it here,” she grins.
In the present day, the witches gather around Nan’s coffin as Fiona says a few words for her and mentions that she “fell” in the tub. Marie responds with an “Amen.” Queenie and Delphine show up at the graveyard and they’re not happy. Marie gives Queenie a big smile and a fake welcome back, and Delphine spits in Marie’s face.
At Delphi Trust, Harrison Renard, Hank’s father, tells his colleagues that he knows that it was a spell that ruined the company.
Back at Miss Robichaux’s, Delphine is back in her maid’s outfit, clipping Fiona’s nails and pouring Champagne for Marie;Madison even tells her to flush the toilet for her. Delphine serves all of the girls some nice poop soup that night. She is profoundly unhappy, and then she realizes what is wrong in her life: She hasn’t been satisfying her thirst for blood. The gardener comes into the house because he cut himself with the shears and Delphine thinks about how “being a hostess was never enough for my restless mind.” She takes the gardener to Spalding’s room to “help” him, but she ties him up. She explains that has a “scientific fascination” for body parts and takes the gardening shears and starts reciting “This Little Piggy” as she cuts off the gardener’s pinky toe.
Zoey is casting a spell in the bathroom and sees that Fiona and Marie drowned Nan in the bathtub. Madison walks in and confronts Zoey about their threesome situation and says Zoey ruined their arrangement by falling in love with Kyle. Madison says she’ll blow Kyle in front of Zoey. Of course, Kyle doesn’t want that either and he turns her down. Madison is not gracious about the rejection and tries to knock out Zoey when Myrtle walks in and exchanges heated words with Madison.
Myrtle calls Madison a “bobblehead with crotchless panties,” and Madison calls her a “dried-up Hot Pocket” and “Carrot Top.” Then Madison vows revenge on pretty much everyone as she declares that she’ll get back at them when she’s supreme.
The Ax Man and Fiona are having a discreet lovers meeting, rolling around and making out, when Fiona asks him for a favor. Something tells me she’s not just asking for a DTR.
Spalding’s back in his room. It turns out he’s been there all along, watching Delphine. Delphine tells him she can explain but he says there’s nothing to explain: He understands art. Spalding offers to release Delphine from her curse. Delphine doesn’t believe him but Spalding says he can help her kill Marie so she can be free. He tells her that by magic, Marie can be “undone,” and offers to provide Delphine with the means by which to kill her. But in return, he needs something from her.
Delia tries to make amends with Queenie but she’s not interested — after all, Delia’s husband is the one who tried to kill her. Delia asks Queenie how she survived, and Queenie reveals that she got some new powers after shooting herself through her skull. She shows Delia the silver bullet that should have killed her but didn’t. “I’m starting to think I’m the next supreme,” she says as she pushes Delia away from her and calls her weak.
A hurt Delia goes back to her lab, tearily, and rubs her eyes with iodine. She misses her clairvoyance. In a scene that will make anyone’s eyes throb just from looking, Delia takes the garden shears and stabs herself in each eye. Fiona’s shocked that Delia gave her vision up to protect the coven. Myrtle meets her outside Delia’s room and tells her she’s an enemy of the coven and the two pace around, snarling at each other.
Delphine returns to Spalding’s room: She got him what he asked for. It’s an authetic, limited run doll from 1895. Delphine calls his hobby for collecting dolls “unsavory” and asks him for the potion that will make Marie a mortal again. He gives her Benadryl to dissolve into a drink and tells her to never say the name aloud because nothing will knock out a witch like Benadryl.
Myrtle is playing her strange instrument again and asks Zoey to come meet her in the lab. She gives her her only possession of value and tells Zoey to take Kyle and leave the coven and sell the piece of jewelry if they’re ever in trouble. Myrtle reminisces about her one true love who later went on to marry Diane Von Furstenberg. Myrtle said she’s glad he left her or else Diane would never have created the wrap dress. Zoey said Kyle only loves her because he’s damaged goods, and Myrtle slaps her for being so unromantic and hands her tickets to Epcot, the worst place in Orlando.
The men of Delphi Trust are getting ready to meet with the witches. Fiona proudly confesses that she’s the one who took down their entire company and says that she really doesn’t care if they have guns or not. She asks for a martini and Marie asks for a Diet Sprite. Harrison insists the war is in the past and asks for a 100-year truce agreeing to no witch-hunting in exchange for peace. Fiona agrees on the condition that he gives her his house, a private jet and disbandment of the group. When they laugh, Fiona tells them she has another offer — they could just die. The server, who is also the Ax Man, swiftly kills all of them with his ax and his gun. Harrison pours himself a cup of coffee in the meantime. “Well played,” he says to Fiona, who replies, “You Harvard men, charming to the end.” He responds that he went to Yale and that killing everyone won’t end the war. Fiona asks him if he has any last words and he says, “Go to hell, witch bitch.” She hacks him in the neck and you can tell Ax Man is so turned on. Marie snaps a few photos on her phone for her Instagram and Fiona and Ax Man make out.
Marie and Fiona celebrate with glasses of French 75 and Fiona walks out of the kitchen to go see her man. “Don’t wait up,” she winks at Marie. Delphine makes her another one and brings it to her room, and Marie tells her to leave after she’s done. She spanks her, too. Delphine lunges at her and stabs her in the chest. Delphine triumphantly throws the packet of Benadryl at her and Marie howls, “That ain’t magic, that’s an anti-histamine.” Spalding hits her on the back of the head and sends her tumbling down the stairs and informs Delphine that Marie can’t die. He suggests she bury her alive and make sure she can’t get out.
Spalding returns to his room and puts his bonnet on and takes Marie’s stolen baby into his arms. “A living doll, all of my own,” he coos.
Zoey and Kyle are getting ready to leave Miss Robichaux’s but Kyle gets cold feet. He tells Zoey he’s afraid he’ll hurt her or someone else. Zoey tells him she’s not scared of him and tells him to put his shoes on so they can leave. Kyle cries and says he won’t go, but finally the two of them leave and run to the bus terminal — just in time to grab a bus to Orlando. Those crazy kids will get to see the world, at Epcot!
Follow Andrea Park on Twitter: @andreapark
