Angelina Jolie Tries Demure
Angelina Jolie, doing her best demure whatever. Photo: Getty

Picture it: A show that’s like “To Catch a Predator,” but instead it’s called, “To Catch a Ugandan Warlord named Joseph Kony, featuring Angelina Jolie.”

 

Mmhm. According to leaked International Criminal Court emails and documents, the Academy Award winner volunteered to be a central part of a 2012 plot to lure war lord Kony into arrest. Because if you play a spy, you can definitely be a spy IRL, ya dig?

 

According to the documents, Luis Moreno Ocampo — the ICC’s chief prosecutor from years 2003 to 2012 — wrote to Jolie and her assistant that he had “the idea to invite Kony to dinner and then arrest him.” In another email, he wrote “Forget other celebrities, she is the one… She is ready. Probably Brad [Pitt] will also go.” Ah yes, the classic honeypot, featuring Benjamin Button himself.

 

Anyway, the plan never came to fruition and thank Dumbledore. Everyone is where they’re supposed to be — Jolie is out here making movies with Netflix and Brad Pitt is presumably still making his pottery and listening to Frank Ocean. And that's a good thing: If you’re anything like me — which if you are, sorry — actress turned humanitarian turned world savior is a bit much to handle.