Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk — a couple you barely knew were even together — had a baby two weeks ago and forgot to mention it to you. Their bad!

Shayk, a Russian supermodel, has been dating the Oscar-nominated actor for two years. She apparently spent her pregnancy hiding her baby bump in a number of increasingly sitcom-y ways: At the Victoria Secret fashion show, she wore an oversized trench coat over her lingerie; on a recent trip to Disney Land, she fashioned a variety of knitwear and outerwear to create a sort of protective field around her stomach.

The couple appears to be very private, hence all the hiding, so here are some suggestions on how to shield their new baby from the public eye — at least until he or she is 18.

— A series of increasingly human-sized Birkin bags.


— A very large snake plant.

— A blanket — a simple solution that has definitely worked before.

— An invisibility cloak fashioned from the world of Harry Potter.

— CGI that will make the baby’s face blurry, even in person.

— An original copy of Leo Tolstoy’s "War and Peace."

Yeah, that’s all I got. Congratulations, you guys. And good luck! 

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