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Gwyneth Paltrow isn't saying she's attractive, she's just considered attractive

And other gems from an interview with "The Edit."
Gwyneth Paltrow The Edit Cover
Gwyneth Paltrow. Photo: The Edit

Gwyneth Paltrow — a scholar famed the world over for her role in “Shakespeare in Love,” dating Brad Pitt for a while, and starting the lifestyle site GOOP — knows what you think of her. And she wants you to know, she knows. And once you know that she knows? Well, then you will know.

And so, the 44-year-old opened up to The Edit about the work of carrying the names “Gwyneth” and “Paltrow.” Because after all, she knows what you think about her — but she would like to give you a blessing and tell you what she thinks of herself.

For example, Paltrow knows that the reason she gets so much flak is because she’s been burdened with an appetite for success. And also, because she is beautiful, which is truly one of the most awful things to be in these trying times. “People were fine with me as an actress, but with Goop it was like, ‘Stay in your lane,’“ she says, wisely, like a Gandalf the Great but in a more modern, glamorous time: The Trump Era. “Women in general get a lot of pushback, especially if you’re successful and attractive... I’m not saying I’m attractive I mean when you’re considered attractive.” She is brave.

And yes: Surely, there are those who would find pleasure and comfort in the fact that Paltrow considers her divorce from ex-husband, Chris Martin, difficult. But she also knows, in her pure heart, that it’s simply jealousy. Because in the end, she coined the term “consciously uncoupling,” and you, dear peasant, did not. “People are coming around. I know it’s a dorky term, but it’s very worthwhile. I’m always the person who gets s—t at first, but then later people say, ‘Hey, maybe that’s a good idea.’ I don’t mind.”

Yes, when it comes to Gwyneth she knows that you will always come to her side, the side of darkness and hanging in a woman-sized silk cocoon in an attempt to prolong your youth.

Presumably laying back, drinking a glass of wine and chewing a baguette dripping with cheese (believably, those are her favorite at-home snacks) “I’ve had an extraordinary life,” she tells the magazine. “Where things have happened in a huge way — huge success, huge joy, huge pain, huge loss. And the reason I feel happy today is because I’ve milked the f—k out of every opportunity.” Speak louder, champion of rich, blonde women who summer in the Alps, or wherever. “I haven’t made one mistake that I haven’t used as a stepping stone to get somewhere else. I’m ruthless when it comes to using the hard things.”

Her mouth is littered with curse words, like a sailor, and with the most expensive dentistry money can buy, like a sailor that found a check written out to “CASH” that he found flying in the air, above the sea.

And that’s just Gwyneth.