Confession: I am a 29-year-old woman. Things that interest me include: bottles of Pinot Noir that are priced $15 and under; the various stylings of Blanche Devereaux from “Golden Girls”; and an old dude that you may know named Michael Fassbender. Boy bands and the British children that populate them are of little to no interest to me. Even when they go solo.

But there’s something about this Harry Styles dude, man. I feel like he just gets me? And he like, knows exactly what I want him to talk about. And he talks about it. And he gives me such a pure sense of delight. I’m talking Nick from “The Handmaid’s Tale” as played by Max Minghella levels, okay? My thing for him has me questioning the very core questions of life like, what does it all mean? And is it okay that I’m definitely into Harry Styles now even though I’m a grown ass woman?

His latest swoonworthy offense? He says he has nothing to hide: According to E! The 23-year-oid has never felt like he’s needed to define his sexuality. There’s nothing like a maybe pansexual dude to get the ol’ engine reved up. “Being in a creative field, it’s important to be progressive,” he said in an interview with Bizarre’s Dan Wootton. “It’s weird for me — everyone should just be who they want to be… I don’t feel like [my sexual orientation] is something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.” Yas! I mean, he’s reportedly dating a woman, Tess Ward, but I love that he thinks he’s so sexually free.

Unfortunately, my imagined romance with Styles would be short lived, because he doesn’t really imbibe in the sweet caress of booze. “On the first couple of tours [with One Direction] it was so exciting as we’d have a drink and go to parties,” he says. “It’s just not for me. I’d rather wake up with a clear head. I’m not straigh edge or anything… but I like knowing I”m not going to be stressing about having to do something the next day.”


Oh well.


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