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UGH: Michael Fassbender and that lady got married

By "lady," I mean Academy-Award winning actress Alicia Vikander, BTW.
Michael Fassbender Alicia Vikander
Michael Fassbender & Alicia Vikander. GETTY

In news that is a huge blow to me, personally, Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander are married now, I guess. There goes 24-year-old Rachael’s hopes and dreams.

Fassbender, 40, and Vikander, 29, reportedly tied the knot in Ibiza over the weekend. Some rando sources tell People that the couple exchanged vows at the La Granja farmstead resort surrounded by friends and family. Gross!

The couple started dating in 2014 after meeting on the set of a film nobody ended up watching, “The Light Between the Oceans.” They made their debut as a couple at the Golden Globes in 2016 where Vikander was a double nominee for her performances in “The Danish Girl” and “Ex Machina.”

They’ve historically been pretty tight lipped about their relationship, with Vikander saying “I think we’ve made a clear statement that we keep certain things just between us. It was very easy to unite, but that’s quite personal.”

Fassbender, whom I loved even before he sported some dank ass muttonchops in “Jane Eyre” doubled down on that, saying “I’m not going to talk about my private life with a total stranger, unless I feel like I need to. Why would I? I don’t.” Ugh, fine!

Good for you guys, I guess. Oh and don’t worry Fassy — I’m over you now.

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