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Katy Perry would like to discuss her urination habits with you

What a character!

Katy Perry went on “Ellen” to talk about … well, I don’t know what she was there to talk about, really. But she did a whole lot of things — compared her pixie cut to Ellen Degeneres’; gabbed about her upcoming tour for her album “Witness”; and, oh yeah, gave up her secret for peeing in her Met Gala dress.

Perry’s secret trick? A female urinary device that allows women to urinate while standing up. It’s called a GoGirl. Perfect for when you're wearing a gauze gown seasoned with the blood of your enemies and sitting down just isn't ideal — which apparently was Perry's situation at the Met Gala, I suppose. 

“There was a lot of self-control, practice and GoGirls,” the 32-year-old said. “You know, those little contraptions where you then get to urinate standing up? I've used them in several music videos because I always find myself in this predicament where I have a very extravagant, lavish, unrealistic, unpractical costume on,” she continued. “That’s just me, I guess.”

Yep: being over the top is very on-brand for Katy Perry. Surprised? Oh, yeah, didn’t think so.

I mean, remember when she took to Instagram to make a questionable comparison that wasn’t so much racist as it was straight up nonsensical? You know, the time she responded to a fan’s comment of “I miss your old black hair,” with “Oh, really? Do you miss Barack Obama, as well? Oh, OK. Times change, bye. See you guys later.” Who ever knows what’s going on with this woman.

Although. I do still appreciate that she generously agreed to help Orlando Bloom seem more famous than he actually is — because let’s be honest, the year is no longer 2003. But I’m not sure why the many trivial things that Katy Perry does (dabble in appropriation, congratulate herself on acknowledging the Black Lives Matter movement, not date Ryan Phillippe) count as news on the dark recesses of the Internet. If only there was something I, gossip column writer that I am, could do. Hm.

Let me think on that and come back to you all later. 

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