If Peter Kraus is going to be the next Bachelor, I will audition for the show

Like, it's not a problem. I'll do it for art. Also love, but whatever.
Peter Kraus Bachelorette
You, me, and those bad tattoos, babe. Photo: Getty

There’s a rumor going ‘round that Peter Kraus — runner-up for Rachel Lindsay’s season of “The Bachelorette” — may or may not be the next Bachelor. If this is true, ABC producers, hear my cry: I don’t have headshots or anything, and I definitely don’t have the temperament for reality television. But I will absolutely audition for the show.

Last week, “Bachelor” creator Mike Fleiss wrote, via Twitter, that the Bachelor isn’t really about dudes who aren’t ready to settle down (Peter was basically eliminated because he was like, ‘um I actually don’t know you outside of the context of this fake ass show, so I’m not ready to get married to you’). “Do we really want a Bachelor who isn’t ready to settle down with a woman he loves?” asked Fleiss. “Hmmm. Not what #thebachelor is all about ….”

Soon after, host Chris Harrison defended Kraus to People, saying “Peter is a very good man, a great guy.” Yeah, duh. “It’s about choosing someone who will make a good Bachelor, good television and who we think is sincerely ready for this moment – ready to be the Bachelor, ready to settle down.

“It seems like he’s still working through some things,” Harrison says. “I think his time with Rachel exposed some things in his life that he probably has to deal with and needs to handle before he’s ready to settle down. In no way does that make him a bad guy or not worthy. He may make a great Bachelor. It’s not like it’s completely off the table. But after seeing him be with Rachel, it didn’t give you that glowing feeling of, Hey, this guy is ready for another chance at love. It would be really hard to spin that.”

Well spin this, Bachelor producers: there’s another black Rachael in the running and it’s me! I mean, I’m ripe for the drama — I’ve got a degree, some pretty classic anxiety issues, and you can spin that I think I’m better than other people because I live in a town full of garbage that people call “quaint.” (It’s Brooklyn. I live in Brooklyn.) Also, I wear glasses to trick people into thinking I’m smart, so yeah. I think I’m good enough for “The Bachelor.”

Now bring that salt and pepper Prince Eric to me or else!

 
 
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