From her pretaped intro of backstage butt slaps of encouragement to her arrival with a house on her head and a dove flying from her crotch as a send-up of Lady Gaga, hostess Chelsea Handler brought the “oh, no she dih-unnt” in a big way last night.

Here are a few of her best barbs.

“This is the first time in 16 years that the VMAs has been hosted by a woman. That means it was 1994 and Justin Timberlake was still in the Mickey Mouse Club, pretending he wasn’t having sex with Britney Spears, ‘the situation’ was just a classy way to refer to a teenage pregnancy and Justin Bieber’s mom had just invented her 401(k) plan.”

» Calling upon participants of the evening to behave badly: “Get your tongues ready, because I want one shoved where it’s not supposed to be. I’m talking to you, Taylor Swift.”

» Introducing the cast of “Jackass 3D” (and later “Glee”): “The next group of guys have been backstage for three hours, stapling their balls together”

» On Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s fashion sense: “Enough with the adult onesies. You guys look leotarded.”

» On noticing “The Jersey Shore” in the audience:
“Don’t applaud. They’re the reason MTV doesn’t play your videos.”

» On knowing Justin Bieber:
“There are a few things that piss him off, the main one being mistaken for a 28-year-old lesbian.”

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