Our first look at fat Keanu.  Credit Getty Images Our first look at fat Keanu. Credit Getty Images

Keanu Reeves is 48. Dude is allowed to get paunchy in his middle age, which it looks like he’s happily doing judging from these photos from Cannes. But if I can ask one thing of my ‘90s super crush: You gotta keep that in check, my friend. You are much too attractive to let it get to the point of no return.

What I’m getting at is, please don’t turn into Val Kilmer. Being a man, there is a happy middle ground to growing older gracefully in Hollywood (the below slideshow showcases those who could have used this advice). You don’t have to get injected with Human Growth Hormone or get tons of plastic surgery but you don’t have to become red-faced and doughy, either. Just, you know, eat vegetables and exercise.

 

Maybe get Pierce Brosnan’s dermatologist and trainer on the phone for a quick chat. Rage against the Val Kilmer light, Keanu! Come back to us!

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