UConn basketball star Kemba Walker made headlines this week when he revealed that, upon graduating college, he had only ever finished one book. As The Root tells it:
In a recent interview with Sports Illustrated, Walker says he went through high school and college without reading an entire book cover to cover. What's even more surprising is the fact that Walker is actually graduating with a degree from UConn a year early.
[...] For an independent-study course, [UConn academic counselor Felicia] Crump suggested that Walker read William C. Rhoden's "Forty Million Dollar Slaves: The Rise, Fall, and Redemption of the Black Athlete," which turned out to be the first piece of literature he completed. "That's true," Walker told Sports Illustrated. "You can write that. It is the first book I've ever read."
Is this really a scandal, though? (Yes. Yes, it is.) However, if we were Walker, we would immediately start talking about all the books we started to read but couldn't finish, for various reasons. Here are some suggestions, with sample excuses:
»"Infinite Jest" — "I just couldn't get into the footnotes."
»"Ulysses" — "Modernism doesn't do it for me. The crisis of the self? Eh, take it or leave it."
»"Wuthering Heights" — "Heathcliff just isn't a believable character."
»"The Lord of the Rings" — "I started reading it, but then the movies were on Netflix, so, like, why not watch them instead?"
"The Bible" — "Don't worry, I love it! I'm just reading it very, very slowly."
"Portnoy's Complaint" — "I found Roth's prose style absurdly grating."
"War and Peace" — "1,500 pages? I've got practice, dude."
"The Corrections" — "I cannot abide anyone who feuds with Oprah."
"The Secret" — "LOL, 'The Secret' "
"The Scarlett Letter" — "I tried reading it in high school, but it's such a crappy, crappy book."