The action-packed penultimate episode of the second season of “Hemlock Grove” was filled with attempted upir-ectomies, vargulf-ectomies and Shelley-ectomies.
We open with Peter (Landon Liboiron), chained up with a collar around his neck, as he gets tortured by the white-masked gang, who captured him in the previous episode. It turns out that they know about Roman’s (Bill Skarsgård)child and that Peter is hiding her!
This is just the beginning of another great adventure for Peter and the group. Your recap below.
Vargulf in trouble!
Destiny (Kaniehtiio Horn) gives a man some money to cast the vargulf out of Peter. The man tells Destiny that Peter needs to come with him for a period of time and its best she doesn’t know what’s going to happen with her cousin.
After more torture, Peter finally escapes by transforming into his wolf form to loosen the chains. Once he is loose, he kills one of his captors by slamming his now unattached collar into his head. Peter drives away from the warehouse.
He gets a call from Destiny while driving and he tells her to meet at Roman’s. However, Roman is not able to be reached due to his latest upir-ectomy procedure.
Roman is about to undergo his last upir-ectomy procedure but since he is worried about his child, he asks Pryce (Joel de la Fuente) if he can reschedule. The doctor advises Roman not to do so because it could have serious consequences if it is postponed any longer (See “Dr. Johann Pryce’s complicated doctor schlanguage translated” for an unnecessarily long description of this scene).
During the final upir-ectomy procedure, Dr. Galina Zhelezhnova-Burdukovskaya (Shauna MacDonald) secretly injects a drug into Roman’s tubes. While we may never know what the drug was meant to do, it was most likely going to kill Roman.
However, Roman gets a simple text from Peter with the words, “They know about Nadia” and that is enough for Roman to rip the tubes off of his body. The drug Galina injected never actually reaches him.
Roman, hungry for blood, forces Galina to open the room with the box filled with bloody limbs (was there ever an actual name for this box?). He plugs one of his tubes into the machine to absorb its contents. Galina tries to stop him by attempting to inject him but she fails miserably. While it is never seen on screen, it is heavily implied that Roman killed the doctor and stuffed her in the box, as the scene is discovered by Pryce and Olivia (Famke Janssen).
Creepy baby Nadia
As if we didn’t already think baby Nadia was freaky enough with those hypnotic blue eyes, it turns out Roman’s child is also very intelligent. While Miranda is trying to play peek-a-boo, the baby basically says, “Screw that childish crap” when she presents blocks with her name spelled out.
Later, Peter, Destiny and Miranda are at Roman’s place with the man who is going to perform the vargulf-ectomy (it’s appropriate to make up words like this now, right?). The man bares his chest to Peter and reveals several scratches. His own father abused him after turning on a bad moon.
Peter, furious that Destiny would choose this moment to stage an intervention, tries to run off. When Destiny tries to grab him, Peter pushes her and realizes just how far the vargulf has got into him. Peter breaks down and cries.
Just when you think everything will be fine, all hell breaks loose.
“You people have no business here,” Conway says as he storms in. “This is a home. Not a frat house.”
And then our favorite butler gets shot with an arrow by a member of the white-masked gang and everyone else in the house is a target as they try to reach Nadia.
During the chaos, Destiny and Miranda go upstairs to protect Nadia and the man who was going to cast the vargulf out of Peter is killed.
With the exception of the vargulf growing within him, Peter has other problems to worry about. During a confrontation, Peter is held by the members of the white-masked gang and is about to be decapitated.
Then it's Roman to the rescue as he plants an axe in the back of Peter's captor.
Upstairs, Destiny and Miranda are alone with baby Nadia. Concerned, Destiny tries to leave the room to check on Peter. When she tries to leave, she is confronted by one of the white-masked men. She then stabs him in the crotch — ouch.
To save Destiny’s life, Peter changes into his wolf form. Meanwhile, Roman bites one of the other members of the gang. Looks like the monsters in these gentlemen will never die.
But the biggest problem happens in the room holding Nadia and Miranda. The blonde leader of the group breaks through a window and aims a crossbow at Nadia.
But Roman’s child gets the last laugh.
All of a sudden, blondie’s face starts to bleed and it is heavily implied that Nadia was the one responsible.
Roman reunites with Miranda and Nadia and Peter enters the room in his wolf form.
There’s only one problem: Peter can’t change back into his human form. Roman tries to get through to Peter to no avail. He then rips his friend’s jaw open and pulls the human form out of the wolf’s mouth. Peter is saved and we are left a little more grossed out.
Norman’s revenge plot continues
To thank Leticia (Lisa Marcos) for her efforts, Norman (Dougray Scott) gives her a check worth four times as much as her asking price. But Norman has an ulterior motive and Leticia figures it out. The money was just meant as a way to distract her from Norman’s true intentions: killing Olivia.
Leticia confronts Norman in front of Olivia’s house and tells him that the cops will grab him up and that she will definitely testify against him. After heavy persuading from Leticia, Norman eventually gives her the gun he was planning to use.
Later, Leticia goes to Chasseur (Demore Barnes) to warn him about Norman’s plot against Leticia. Chasseur says that he can’t arrest Norman but instead arrests Leticia after realizing she trespassed into Olivia’s home to get her fingerprints.
Why would he arrest Leticia? He wants to get her out of the way so he can accomplish his original mission, and also make cops look like corrupt people.
Chasseur visits Norman and tells him that he wants Olivia dead just as much as he does. He confides in Norman about how Olivia killed his sister and he hopes that since Olivia trusts Norman, he can do the job.
Later, Chasseur brings Norman into a room with a cadaver. Chasseur tells Norman that the only way you can kill an upir is through decapitation or cremation. He tells Norman that he wants Olivia to be stabbed in the heart so she can be stunned and they can torch the body.
Norman practices stabbing the cadaver in the heart. His face looks closer to Norman Bates than it is to the kind-hearted Norman Godfrey we are used to.
But wait, Olivia is changing!
Shelley (Madeleine Martin) is about to undergo her final transference into Prycilla’s body on the grounds that she gets to see her mother first. Shelley tells her mother how sorry she was for making it so hard and that she understands that Olivia was just trying to protect her.
Shelley says goodbye as she fully intends to let her mother believe she’s dead.
Later on, Olivia lies down with Shelley and sings a lullaby as she wishes of starting over with her daughter.
Dr. Johann Pryce’s complicated doctor schlanguage translated
Pryce once again uses his poetic and confusing language during the scene where he describes the final upir-ectomy procedure.
“After your last treatment today, your upir retroviral load will be so low, we won’t even be able to detect its presence. You will in effect be symptom-free. The hunger will be gone.”
He should have said:
“Yay. You won’t want to suck blood anymore!”
“If you don’t go through with this final treatment, the most virulent and resistant retroviral fragments will rush into the microbial void, multiplying unchecked, rebonding to your DNA, causing them to mutate with unpredictable and potentially catastrophic results.”
He should have said:
“Bad crap will happen if we don’t do this now.”
Check out the recap of the last episode here.
Follow Jeremy Rodriguez on Twitter: @RodriguezJeremy