It's arbitrary bronze slab welded into something meaningful season, and this time it's for the people who shout metaphors into the void and make millions of dollars. Grammys, baby! LL Cool J, baby! Some light humor about how ostensibly depressed Jeb Bush is, baby!
Let's cope the void as Jimmy Fallon reportedly does — by drinking so much you cut your hand open and hastily make it seem like a joke. In keeping with the spirit of empty enjoyment, please take this hot Grammy drinking game to your nearest party, floor mattress, anywhere — just not to the grave. Because, seriously, drink responsibly.
Drink Every Time If…
- a winner makes a political endorsement
- Kendrick Lamar pretends to be surprised he's winning everything — but you know he knows
- a mealymouthed announcer begs you to please, please engage with the Grammys on Twitter
- someone references how "Life of Pablo" is going to sweep the Grammys in 2017
- a presenter emits an extraneous “yas”
- LL Cool J refers to himself as “Ladies Love Cool Juice ”
- Beyonce does a thing
- a nominee does something fun and quirky in a desperate attempt to become a meme but fails
- an inevitable Kanye-Taylor reference is made even though we are all seven years older and wiser and must we start this again come on gang
- you remember that Sufjan Stevens had one of the best albums of the year and is nominated for exactly nothing. "CARRIE AND LOWELL" WAS VERY GOOD.
- a YouTube celebrity gets screentime and wets themselves with excitement
- LL Cool J refers to himself as “Ladies Love Clickbait Journalism”
- Azaelia Banks goes on a Twitter rant during the ceremony
Finish Your Drink If…
- Taylor Swift stages a cool and fun surprise that causes everyone's eyes to roll into the back of their heads until blood spurts from their ears and the station cuts to a rerun of "The Good Wife"
- LL Cool J alludes to the fact that he lives underneath the stage of the Grammys and is only released once a year
- Bruno Mars is forced to stand next to a tall person
- a passive aggressive cut to celebrity enemies is made
- LL Cool J refers to himself as “Ladies Love Clam Juice”
- white people start to make “Formation” about them
Turn Off the Television If
- someone makes an appeal for Iggy Azealia
- you haven't seen the new season of"Pretty Little Liars"yet
- Bruno Mars wears stiletto heels and a Napoleon jacket
- anyone tries to drop an album in the middle of the ceremony