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Perhaps Valentine’s Day was invented to force people in relationships to buy stuff, while making singles feel bad about themselves. And, if everyone still has to go to work on Feb. 14, does it even qualify as a holiday? Kris Knievil certainly doesn’t have the day off. She’s slated to fulfill her hostess duties this weekend at the “Miss-Leading Ladies” song-and-dance drag show. Having emceed at Jacque’s Cabaret for a decade-plus, Knievil knows a few things about things.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever seen happen at Jacque’s?

Probably someone holding a bride’s hair back while she puked into a garbage can. But we have a few people who have been coming for 20 or 30 years. It’s cute to see those couples embracing. But over the past year, Jacque’s has really turned into a bachelorette mecca, with not a lot of romance happening. Way back in the day, a gentleman could pick up a romantic lady for the night (Ed note: She means prostitute), but the days of the Combat Zone and all that naughtiness have gone away.

 

Would you encourage bummed-out single people to visit Jacque’s?

I would definitely recommend our shows to any single heterosexual men looking to meet either a nice lady or a nice drunken lady. With all the bachelorette parties, it’s a very women-centric audience. The only penises in the place are on the performers.

Contrary to a recent news report, Obama and Beyonce aren’t having an affair, but wouldn’t it be awesome if they were?

I would want to see the catfight between Michelle and Beyonce, if it ever came to light it was true.

Who would win?

Oh, Michelle. She could kick your butt. Beyonce’s talented, but she doesn’t seem very scrappy.

If you could spend Valentine’s Day with any historical figure, who would you pick and what would you do on your date?

Jesus seems like He’d be fun. We’d go walking across Boston Harbor, go out to a lighthouse and have a romantic dinner.

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