Find a shirt, Biebs, you'll need it in Canada.

There’s a petition floating around the Internet that calls for Justin Bieber to be deported back to Canada — and a lot of people have signed it. Enough people that I feel pretty confident saying that America seems to be in Bieber Fever remission. Yes, some of us will forever bear scars — much like carrying the pockmarks of cystic teen acne long into adulthood — but the prognosis is good. We’re expected to make a full recovery.

This is all to say that these petitioners might just get their wish: New surveillance video has surfaced that apparently proves Bieber’s guilt in the egging of his neighbor’s house last month. (I remember kids egging houses when I was maybe 13 years old, by the way. Welcome to the eighth grade, Justin Bieber.)

According to immigration law, if one is convicted of a crime of "moral turpitude,” that’s reason enough to pull his green card and send him packing from whence he came.


“Moral turpitude” is a crime involving "malicious destruction of property." I’m no lawyer, but splattering someone’s home with egg yolks in a fit of misdirected adolescent rage sounds like malicious enough destruction.

In Justin’s case, the green card in question is actually an O-1 Work Permit, a special certificate awarded to foreigners with “extraordinary abilities” so that they can bring those skills Stateside. In Justin’s case, “extraordinary douchebaggery.”

Well, if some guy having to powerwash omelet ingredients off his house is all it takes to boot the Biebs back to Canada, I’m OK with that. Gotta break a few eggs to deport a giant egghead, as the saying goes.

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